Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Beer and Cowgirl boots

It is that time of year again.
Check in on my uterus and ovaries, 
make sure they don't have any new hitchhikers.

I travel to a nearby town to check into the local hospital to 
have my pelvic ultrasounds.
I have found a great tech, that tells me what she sees before I get my results.
I take her observations as a no need to panic foreshadowing.
I spent too many years worrying after the exam whilst waiting for results.
So I found a person who will tell me if she see changes or give me a heads up.
She is awesome that way and has a similar fibroid and cyst situation.
We are in a sisterhood like that.
She offers respect and compassion that I seek on this crazy reproductive journey.

Today she told me a story of a client that came in last week for a pelvic ultrasound:

A woman came in kind of drunk she said....
she was wearing a skirt and cowgirl boots.
She told the tech that she was a little drunk that she choose to drink some beers 
for her 30oz of clear fluid to prep for the pelvic ultrasound.
(I giggled and wondered why I never had thought of that, that makes for a personal party out of a sucky medical exam.)
After the external ultrasound, she emptied her bladder and hoped back onto the exam table in a hospital gown and her boots.
The tech thought, OK I guess this is how she rolls.
As she was performing the internal portion of the exam she proclaims to the tech:
"you know my husband always wants me to keep my boots on, and I always say no....
 But for you I kept them on! "

Ahhhh the clarity of alcohol
and a vaginal probe

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

The ugly bathroom

fancy wear
The Barren and I attended a wedding recently. It was for one of his coworkers and it was one of those events where you know no one but the groom and have met the bride once or twice before and when you did you were slightly drunk....
and distracted.

The groom comes from a wealthy family...the kind that lives in those houses that you drive by and think what does it look like in that house?!
We dressed in our best fancy clothes and attended the backyard (of an ESTATE) wedding.
Guests were gathering in the living room before the backyard was opened and I was looking at family photos when I noticed the grooms parents had photos with people
like MARGRET THATCHER and BARBARA BUSH and stuff....

We were the country mice in the big city.
I complimented, who I thought was the father of the groom, on the beautiful etchings that were on display and was told that was the uncle of the groom....
so I didn't feel awkward or anything. 

I headed to the toilet before the backyard was opened and could not stop laughing....

the fancy house had an ugly bathroom!
Padded fabric walls in green fleur toile!!
This is what made these very fancy people real...
this made me feel relieved, reassured and entertained.

I am wearing my grandmothers belt, yes that is a HUGE lion buckle
The Barren calls it my big pussy belt.
I can do that

We were so freaked out to be on our best behavior and proper but after we saw this bathroom our guards came down and we relaxed a little.
We sat in the backyard before the ceremony and drank a drink or two and played corn-hole 
(where that name comes from I don't know....)
then the very sweet ceremony and we were off to catered reception.
The bride and groom are SERIOUS dance floor party animals and The Barren and I left for home before the cake was cut...I hadn't had anything but a couple carrots and celery (nothing else was vegan friendly) and The Barren had earned passenger status and was fed....
We felt like outsiders, invited outsiders, but it made us feel old and strange.

We were honored to attend and witness a sweet vow exchange and when the talk all turned to babies
as it does at weddings...we looked at each other and said "I hope their home is filled with babies"
then kissed each other and drank another drink.