Wednesday, September 04, 2019

Resurface your skin

Thankfully, my unplugging is helping.
Another massive tragedy has hit my town and everyone is reeling and tender.
This came after I was scrolling the local paper for events for the extended weekend and found a mugshot of a man that was often our waiter at a local restaurant. 
In our interactions with him; he was kind, remembered us every-time we visited and had the kind of polite manners I remember we all were suppose to have as kids.
He was arrested for stabbing to death two people he knew. 
I think I am still in total shock about that too.
Then, like a morbid cherry on a fucked sundae, 
 I read about a friend (peer) that I use to work with loosing her husband unexpectedly in his sleep.

I have been doing yoga, 
working in the studio and making meals.
The Barren and I have been spending quiet time together 
and talking about all the scary reality that is hitting us all at the same time.

Parents aging and acting older
What do we want with our lives as we head into older years
Watching kids/nephews/nieces/ godchildren grow
facing responsibilities and taking care of our bodies
it all really sucks
I long for those carefree days of naive bliss

I read somewhere that to help maintain your mental cracks
when you are feeling depressed
overwhelmed and under-prepared
start with thinking about how you want to feel.
It seems quite patronizing but in my mind...I make it into an image.

I imagine a beautiful sun filtered field, butterflies flickering above the tall grass
a soothing breeze and the calm that comes from stepping into that image.
It has been helping me direct the overwhelming feelings into a space I can breathe again in.

I hope that the world has not overtaken you dear warriors
We have been walked over by hopes way too many times already.
Please try and fight to seize the joy that is still yours.