Friday, December 28, 2018

I am good and healthy

I got the phone call while dropping off artwork at the gallery.
I had to take the call in a public place....
I repeated what the Nurse said:
"clear and good, nothing present"
I folded in half with relief
the curator walked up to me and said...
that sounded like good news
I said yes, I had a test and it is clear.
What were you tested for?
I had a biopsy from my uterus, they wanted to rule out cancer.
She turned white and said she was so very glad to hear the news....
I told her it felt like I could take a deep breath.

I remember thanking her again for including me in the exhibition and I floated out of the gallery and landed in a metaphysical gift store a couple doors down where I bought my bestie a set of Animal Spirit Guide cards

Since the news I have been kind of numb and very thankful
very present 
and quieter

I enjoyed a quiet Christmas with The Barren
and then with family

I am fine, I am good, I am thankful 
and peri-menopausal

Monday, December 17, 2018

Mind is a swirl

Image result for mind swirling gif

I have only really thought about what the biopsy was looking for a couple times
and when I dealt with the REALNESS of it, I became overwhelmed.

I felt a wave of love wash over me in yoga class, 
and became quite overwhelmed with the feeling that I actually cried.... 
I was quite sweaty and so it was not noticeable.

The waiting is indeed the hardest part.
I have spent time not thinking, meditating, doing busy work and trying to not focus on my normal catastrophic thinking that I go to almost automatically.
I have been talking myself off the ledge, but reminding myself that my doctor surgeries have been successful and that there is no reason why this will not result in another good experience and a negative- you don't have cancer result.

For not thinking about it, it sure sounds like I have been thinking about it.

Ideally I should hear something tomorrow....but until then I am off to make gingerbread nuts

this recipe:



  • 3 cups Nuts (I used 1 1/2 cups Walnut Halves and 1 1/2 cups Pecan Halves)
  • 1/2 + 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/2 + 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground all spice
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 3 tablespoons brown sugar
  • big pinch coarse salt
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil


  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Add nuts to a large mixing bowl.
  3. In a small bowl, combine spices, sugar and coconut oil. Add to nuts and toss well until nuts are completely coated.
  4. Bake in 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes until fragrant. Let cool before serving.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Heavily Meditated

My bestie got me this pin after my last miscarriage and 
I have worn it to ultrasounds and today's endometrial biopsy.

I spent the last two and a half weeks waiting for my appointment meditating.
I have read about the process, focused on the temporary amount of time it was 
and tried to compare/prepare for it with the pain gauge in my head.
twinge to pass out from pain

Today came and I took two pills last night meant to soften my cervix and then another this morning.
They made me quite loopy and apparently worked well enough to allow for the procedure today
and to get a sample.
I would say the process was uncomfortable with a moment or two of pointed sharp pressure deep inside me, near my diaphragm.
It was a short amount of time and when I was ready to call uncle, it was over.
Clearly pain and discomfort levels are different for everyone and I had a lot of downward pressure from my cervix softening so that added to the strange feelings.
The polka dots on the ceiling tiles were amazingly interesting when focusing on breathing
When she was done I needed to lay still for a little bit as I was a little woozy.
Nothing that didn't settle almost immediately and I was out of there.
Results expected by next week.
I am beyond thankful that today procedure was able to net a sample.

I met with my bestie yesterday to shore up my courage, and she gave me a lemon sweatshirt that is super soft and cozy. She wanted to give it to me ahead of the procedure so that: 
"I felt happy and loved"
cozy lemon slice sweatshirt, homemade vegan mac and cheeze and my emotional support kitty <3 td="">

Bestie lives over 6 hours away and has come into town to take care of her mother who had double eye surgery her plate is quite full!

Yesterdays meet up was exactly what we both needed.
Tomorrow is a new day.
I am hopeful that the spotting from the procedure will fade away 
and I will get some mojo time back and celebrate my: