Mind is a swirl

I have only really thought about what the biopsy was looking for a couple times

and when I dealt with the REALNESS of it, I became overwhelmed.

I felt a wave of love wash over me in yoga class, 

and became quite overwhelmed with the feeling that I actually cried.... 

I was quite sweaty and so it was not noticeable.

The waiting is indeed the hardest part.

I have spent time not thinking, meditating, doing busy work and trying to not focus on my normal catastrophic thinking that I go to almost automatically.

I have been talking myself off the ledge, but reminding myself that my doctor surgeries have been successful and that there is no reason why this will not result in another good experience and a negative- you don't have cancer result.

For not thinking about it, it sure sounds like I have been thinking about it.

Ideally I should hear something tomorrow....but until then I am off to make gingerbread nuts

hahah

nuts

this recipe:

GINGERBREAD SPICED NUTS

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 cups Nuts (I used 1 1/2 cups Walnut Halves and 1 1/2 cups Pecan Halves)
• 1/2 + 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 + 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon ground all spice
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• big pinch coarse salt
• 2 tablespoons coconut oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Add nuts to a large mixing bowl.
3. In a small bowl, combine spices, sugar and coconut oil. Add to nuts and toss well until nuts are completely coated.
4. Bake in 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes until fragrant. Let cool before serving.