Saturday, February 17, 2018

Celebrity Reading

In Her Own Words: Lena Dunham on Her Decision to Have a Hysterectomy at 31

I read this yesterday and it was strangely familiar to me
down to the nitty gritty details- in a strange and comforting way

I was able to keep my uterus 
and still advocate for it every year
but there was a time I had this on the table and it was a valid and real choice 

Friday, February 16, 2018

Olympic Sized Triggers

I don't know what it is like in other countries with the Olympic advertisers....
but here in the US, the sponsors are running ads that are triggering the hell outta me 
and making me dread every breakaway while watching the athletes compete.

If it is not a credit card company, it is some ad about how moms are great and make athletes superstars from their love and care and drinking milk.


Thursday, February 15, 2018

Random Encounters

I was feeling blue today, rough start to the day perhaps or just a flood of feelings...regardless I took a moment and said to myself 
" you gotta change this"
so I started doing things that my therapist use to call "Chopping wood and carrying water"
movement through sorrow...the key is to move, both literally and mentally.

We have a bunch of money paperwork in our bedroom, 
it is bad Feng Shui
so I decided to tackle that and get it out of our bedroom and stored somewhere more appropriate.
I made a list of things I needed and headed out to the 99cent store for office supplies.

I was cruising the aisles and turned the corner to encounter a man that was 
about 400 pounds and 6 foot 2
holding two pairs of hedge trimmers.

He said that " this is what you do to your husband" 
I responded that I loved him too much to hurt him.

I guess that opened the door for his unsolicited advice on how to reach the divine.
I was to call them forth by simply calling their name three times while touching acupressure points on my face and breathing in a certain pattern and they would manifest 

( I could only think about Beetlejuice at this point )
Related image

He then continued to tell me how I could radically change my life with his processes and that he had cured addicts with this breathing and meditation techniques.
He then reached into his pocket on his shorts and pulled the top card off a stack of business cards and told me to go to the website and watch all the videos and read all the information there.

I in turn was taking this opportunity to listen
be present 
watch his hands and my enviroment
and remember that sometimes people just need to talk to someone.

I then said about four times
thank you for the information 
It could make for a very enjoyable weekend.
(with no intent of looking up the website, 
because in my mind I was sure it would have a virus or some creepy spyware.
I try to be kind- but not stupid)

As I was walking away he asked if I had children
I giggled under my breath
I said no
He then said that was good, because " kids these days are nothing but trouble"
I told him I had still had hope for them
at that, he asked if I knew where the superglue was.

It got me out of my mood.
It also kept me on my toes, and I was making note of where he was and making sure he wasn't watching me or following me.

That part sucked the most. 

Friday, February 09, 2018

Checking in with myself

Most of the sadness has been processed now and recovery and rebuilding is in full swing.
Those things are helping me, personally move forward at a more normal pace.
I feel like a soft shelled crab, rebuilt but still fragile.

I also feel quite ex·trav·a·gant
I have been practicing at two yoga studios for the past month.
I am doing yoga 6 days a week and it feels great, but it is a pace I can not maintain financially.
in 10 days it will all stop. 
I tried a yin yoga class, and it had me in very deep stretches for very long periods of time, example a seated forward fold for 6 was intense and relaxing and I was so very sore the next day.
 A good lesson in humility indeed.

I have also discovered some new feats my body has mastered:
 Optical migraines
Tooth grinding

I thought I was going blind one night and called my eye doctor who after examining my eyes confirmed that I was not going blind but was experiencing all the visual disruptions of an optical migraine, but I did not get the headache. Instead, shortly after leaving his office I got a repeat performance of optical distortion and a whopper of a headache.
In an effort to comfort me, he said that if the disturbance is in both eyes it is your brain. If your issue is only in one eye, most likely it is an issue with the eye....
so I kept saying to myself as I waited for the migraine pill to kick in...
you are fine, it is just your brain.

Then as a second act of adulting I went to get the dentist for the 6 month check-up
(which I postponed twice because of fires and mudslides)
and found out that I am grinding my teeth again!
I was shocked as that is something I haven't done since my infertility days, which resulted in a migraine that last for two months...and all sorts of other tests.
Turns out I have been doing a lot of it recently and I successfully chipped enamel from my back tooth that now needs to be repaired by my dentist that appears to be 20 years old and has a picket fence of white straight perfect teeth.

This adult stuff is not for the faint of heart....
body maintenance and upkeep is something that you don't think about when you are younger and dreaming of being an adult.