I have night terrors.
I have had some sort of interrupted sleep since my earliest memories. As a child I remember there was a figure in the hallway that I could see from my bed, calling me out of bed and to them. I never got out of bed for it; once they left I would run to my parents bed, shaking and scared. My mother soothed me and lulled me back to sleep next to her. My father had less patience for it, and so I always ran to her side of the bed, or crawled to her side of the bed and slept on the floor next to her.
I have always had conversations with those who are no longer here, in my dreams they would come and bring messages and I welcome those encounters. I sometimes wake in tears from the beautiful feelings that wash over me after those encounters.
My grandmothers and grandfather amongst many others have visited me multiple times.
I get great comfort from those dreams and encounters.
My therapist always mentioned that my veil between sleep and wake is thin and I travel effortless between them. I agree. I often visit people or places right after falling asleep...
but sometimes things go sideways.
My visits can become nightmares, looping frustrating situations over and over, or scaring me with harm to those I love....and then there are terrors.
Last night I had a whopper.
The scenario is almost always the same, I fall asleep and then...in the darkness I am suddenly aware of someone leaning over me, or approaching the bedside. A robber or a threat of some other nature...
in response I scream, a full lung-filled scream, through the veils, through the layers of sleep and into the darkened room. Shooting my poor darling Barren out of his peaceful slumber and into shear panic.
I am asleep and am often startled awake by the sound of my own voice or The Barren exploding in fear with words or my name.
Last night was a memory of taking a deep breath and screaming...I saw a man in a plaid shirt in our room, on The Barrens side of the bed, terrified that we were in danger I screamed, loud and according to The Barren in a bloodcurdling manner.
I awoke from the sound of my voice and The Barren saying my name.
When I am startled awake, I am shaking, my heart is beating almost too fast for me to process and I am confused, like I have been ripped across time and space. I am left feeling deeply mortified.
The Barren soothes me and reminds me that I am safe.
We have done everything we can to resolve this, we have moved the furniture around in the whole house to change the Feng Shui. We have burned sage to clear the energy, The Barren even got hex remover when in New Orleans and we've used that. I have spray to clear the energy I got from an energy worker, I have done meditation breathing, I repeat mantras out loud throughout the day to remind myself "no one in my dreams can harm me or The Barren or our cats or home"
Sometimes I get a feeling during the day, like darkness is trying to creep in, and I have learned to sense it and say out loud that it is not welcome or allowed in my home or my mind. I have also tried to focus on more of a lucid sleep, where when dreaming I recognize when things are starting to go astray and take control of it so it doesn't scare or frustrate me. I don't watch scary movies, I don't read scary books...this is adding to my stress. I am afraid of falling asleep or scaring my beloved again.
I am still quite shaken from last nights event, and The Barren is currently taking a nap as it took a while for us to relax, I think The Barren was also expecting a knock on the door from the police or a worried neighbor. Thankfully neither happened.
Do you have nightmares, or terrors? What do you do to make things better?
I'll write about other things, but this is taking the most real estate in my mind right now and I wanted to get it out and say my mantras in type and aloud in another dimension.
