Friday, April 28, 2017

Circling the sun

I awoke feeling happy
I got dressed and went to yoga
I had a lovely class and felt like a million bucks

I went to my parents place to enjoy our newest ritual
birthday cake for breakfast.
As long as they are around, I figured we should have cake together 
first thing in the morning 
and I can thank them in person for making me. 

This year my 3 year old niece was there, so she got cake for breakfast too.
Honestly, she just wanted the icing, so I gave her mine.

I had made the cake the night before, and tried something I'd never made.

My parents and I sat and chatted and we visited for a long while.
then I packed up, took a photo of the driveway; where my mother had made chalk circles
of number 1-47 and had them lead to the front door.
(another ritual they do every year for birthdays, some sort of chalk drawing. They even did it when I was employed near their home and all my coworkers had to drive past their work, and then proceeded to come and wish me a happy birthday)
I love her shadow!

I traveled home, picking up actual food along the way and ate a quiet brunch at home.
Then a little nap
a little more food and then The Barren came home and we sat and visited until bedtime.

A quiet birthday.

We had gone into the big city the weekend prior and I took in some art gazing.
I think we are planning to do a similar adventure this weekend too,
Sightseeing, art adventures, with snacks

I have been focusing on enjoying little visits with dear people in my life.
I have gotten great pleasure from that.
Like I can feel my body respond from the positive visits.
I am aiming to do that as often as I can.
that is my birthday wish for myself.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Boring Thankful Thursday

Once again it has been a while since I have felt compelled to write here...I read your blogs and comment when I am moved to....but I haven't felt the need to blog here. 
I am not sure why.

Distractions...that is what I will blame it on.

I have been battling a sour stomach for months now
...and I finally got tired of taking antacids and waking in the middle of the night from burning pain and so I went to the doctor.

She pushed here and there, asked what I was eating and I listed my boring list of food.
I listed my boring list of vitamins and supplements and she nodded.
I was not eating any "trigger food"
I was simply suffering all the effects of gastritis but there were tests that could be done.

So I did them,
including a long ultrasound session to examine my internal organs.
As the ultrasound technician moved the paddle slathered in ultrasound jelly over my belly...
she gave me the scenic view complete with narrative.
 (I love this about her, she lets you know, without telling you, what she sees and doesn't see)

She showed me half my heart, I waved and said "hello heart".
Then on to the big guns: my liver and gall bladder and kidneys
She made comments like, boy these are boring nothing interesting here...
see if you had a fatty liver they would be different colors...
and these veins are hard to find when healthy...where are they?!

She made me giggle, even though I was so hungry and my stomach acid was almost unbearable.

All the results came in that I didn't have a super scary bacteria that causes ulcers and stomach cancers, and I had healthy organs.
All signs pointed back to gastritis.

I have since, reduced/eliminated my facebook time, and news time and social activism time.
I am stressed out...I am overwhelmed
I am feeling all of the responsibility of everything and for everyone...
I needed to step back.
I am blind in many ways...and it is because I need to take care of me.
It is not ideal, but I am finding that it is really I grudgingly have submitted to it.
Ignorance is not bliss, but it is slowly reducing my stress and ideally reducing my longest and latest flareup episode for gastritis.

I am eating miso and soba noodles, no raw veggies (so strange!) and eating very small bits of food all day long...very slowly! 
Most of my submission art is for fundraising, donated work...although I could really use some funds in the coffee can, this is my happy medium. Finding a stress free way to help others...quietly.

I still do my yoga practice three times a week and it is hard to believe that I am rounding into FOUR years of this!!
 It is the longest and most I have ever stuck to some sort of social physical thing!
 this is truly crazy!!

I learned a new mudra 
mudra (/muˈdrɑː/; Sanskrit मुद्रा, "seal", "mark", or "gesture"; Tibetan: ཕྱག་རྒྱ་ THL chakgya) is a symbolic or ritual gesture in Hinduism and Buddhism. While some mudras involve the entire body, most are performed with the hands and fingers.)  the yellow one:

Your Solar Plexus (Manipura) Chakra is the third Chakra located in your abdomen, above your belly button. It is the energy center responsible for personal power, self-esteem and confidence.

I have been using it while meditating as it seemed quite fitting for
 both infertility and my current situation. 
My meditation only last a few moments....I
 have a monkey mind (constantly going, never really still) 
so I do little sessions when I helps too.

So I am finding that I am boring right now....
I am seeking adventure, but it seems I need to do a few boring things first, 
like laundry and eat miso soup.