Saturday, March 26, 2016

The dreams continue....

I am still being submerged in dreams of my child that never came to be...
I saw this and it made me weep and be thankful that I am able to watch this
and keep my chin high
and my heart open
to still thinking about a child that I never got to hold...
and still thinking about what I desired for them

I have grown stronger 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Dreams have returned

So it appears that my pregnancy dreams have returned.
I awoke last week shaken to the core from a dream about our 
baby's spirit being taken by something evil.
I was conflicted in the dream by wanting it to be born so I could hold it, 
protecting it from evil
Protection won out in the end!
I told The Barren and he told me that a pure soul can not be 
taken by evil, as it would have to recognize it as evil to begin with.
or something like that...I had tears in m ears as I laid in bed in the dark of the morning.

I then had another dream that I was heavily pregnant and trying to simply move about.

I am not sure why these dreams have returned.
Why I need to re-live them AGAIN

I am seeking that answer
I am stuck in a creative rut as well...
and maybe they are connected.
Maybe I am really pregnant with ideas but afraid to make them appear.

I'll go with that for now.
It is less sad

Sunday, March 06, 2016


I am not sure if I had anything to do with it....
but The Earl mentioned that my niece and nephew 
will most likely be getting the Gardasil vaccine.

I feel like I've survived through the battle of logic.
I would like to think, that all the information that I passed along to him from 
SOOOOOO many sources was of help.

I don't need credit for it...
Honestly...all that really matters is that
 my dear nieces and nephew are going to be protected.
I can sleep better with that knowledge.

Thank you for your kind words and help....
I knew I could count on you sisters!

Tuesday, March 01, 2016

How can I....

So my brother (The Earl) asked me if I knew anyone who had inoculated their kids with Gardasil.
My heart started racing....
He then followed it with that his wife (The Countess) did not want to give it to their niece!
She had seen that a girl got sick after the shot and now has totally shut down to the idea of giving my niece the shot. The Earl is researching online and asking people he knows.

I am being as neutral as possible, 
but inside I am SCREAMING! 
and wanting to slap some sense into The Countess or The Earl.

I have asked my granola friends, and my conservative friends, 
I have asked doctor friends and total strangers...and forwarded their responses to The Earl.
All of which have chosen to protect their sons and daughters from
 either transmitting or contracting HPV

It seems totally logical to me 
and being someone who had more than one cancer scare
knows people who have HPV and had cervical cancer
I don't seem to see the logic in avoiding any kind of protections
from this horrible disease that can ultimately KILL you!

I have stayed mum with my personal opinion 
as I know that I might get the "it is not your child" 
thrown back in my face during a heated and or emotional moment.

I don't think they are avoiding it because they can not imagine her being sexually active, 
but instead are simply scared of vaccinations.
Mind you they have gotten all the others....

What can I do
How can I speak or advocate for my nieces and nephews
without getting slapped?
Should I expect a slap...and just deal with it?
Should I risk my relationship with my SIL and brother...

How can I help?