Friday, January 24, 2014

Beautiful People

I heard this in class this morning and just about burst into tears.
I needed to share it with you all, my sisterhood
Happy Friday Ladies,
Beautiful lovely people:

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Working on it...

So I only made it to Yoga twice this last week,
and as expected I am feeling a little lost.
The Barren new job changes also are going to have me spending a lot more
"me time" while he works late and travels again.
 So no time like the present to start on my goals for the year...
I took a journey into the BIG city all by my lonesome.
Try as I might I could not find another soul that wanted to journey into the big city with me to see the art fair that was filling two halls in a convention center.
I put on my brave face and drove myself and treated it like a research and development expedition.
I chose comfort over style to dress myself in and my back was glad for it.
Yeah good ol' pair of running shoes!
(i once jogged, but that was a decade ago, but the shoes are still AWESOME)
I spent over three hours wandering up and down the aisles and picking up magazines and cards.
It was interesting to see what galleries were currently carrying and representing.
The first day was apparently crawling with artists, the following three days was movie stars.
The gallery that I have had work in since October, was there and the curator told me she saw
Leo and the Fonz and
(you can figure out who I mean)
hand embroidered designs on deerskin, on a mounted deer!

left side: drawings inside matchbook covers, prints and then paintings
full spectrum of images!
Painting on porcelain and folded clay sculpture of a deer
both were from contemporary Chinese artists

I met this painter, the one of the left has baby birds hatching out of her shoulder
and the ghost cat is about to eat them. AMAZING painter, dark subjects loved it!

 There was also work that left me wondering:
gold saxophone made from river rocks

I am not sure, the women that were in charge of the booth
didn't want to be photographed with the work
(this made me giggle)
After hours of visual saturation; I left with a mixed sense of awe, inspiration and intimidation
The convention had everyone exit via a jewelry show and when I turned the corner I was arrested by the HUGE amount of SPARKLE!!
Diamonds everywhere!
BIG bright diamonds....
I was glamored but realized that none would be mine so I left....and went home.
none of this is costume jewelry!

I "rewarded" myself for my act of bravery with a stop at a vegan cafe,
and ordered mac and cheeze to take home and eat in my PJ's
It was goooooood, but I was also hungry : )

As I stare and read through the stack of information I collected, I realize that there are MANY
opportunities to submit work. The real work is getting representation, that is on this years goal list again. I would like to get representation this year.

The Barren and I went out to breakfast yesterday and were sat next to a toddler that was singing her own version of "you are my sunshine"...
The Barren looked at me and said he was sorry, I smiled with tears in my eyes and said
It is OK, she is happy: lets take in that level of joy and carry it with us!
It was tough, but I realized that I can make my own level of happiness everyday.
Just like the little mess maker that was sat behind us.

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

This is a new year...

OK I am feeling a lot more like myself...well at least closer to it.
So I figured I would wander onto here and type up some things...or babble.
OK so Xmas was nice
We got to visit with some friends and
eat everything in sight with smiles on our faces
Catching the new year sickie but was the low light,
but we got to be home together and commiserated
on our snot and tummy gurgles.
Now here I am standing up in the first week of the new year and finding that I still need to make a goal list....I took down last years from my bulletin board and realize I had completed about 50% of them...well the ones I printed out at the beginning of the year, mind you I drive myself INSANE by constantly adding to the list as I cross something off I tend to add to the list at the same time...
So here is what I have decided so far:

*I need to really learn how to braid my own hair, french braids etc...
I am tired of ponytails and buns and two tight braids

*I am OK being vegan,
I am also OK having cheese or a treat every now and again, zero guilt.
I am making a lifestyle change and it won't stick if I feel tortured all the time:
pulp fiction pretty fucking good milkshake gif Imgur

*I need to go to yoga at least three times a week or I am lost and confused.
Plus I had a breakthrough Monday and even though I was dizzy from lack of oxygen
and snot I finally was able to do this pose with a block under my forehead,
that means that the bruises on the backs of my upper arms are for something!:

*I am actively changing my thinking!
I am choosing to change my language.
When something is not stellar,
I am currently vocalizing all the things that are right instead.
The Barren witnessed this the other night when I couldn't breathe and was aching from coughing.
I started talking to myself saying:
I am fed, I have a loving relationship, I am warm and sheltered
I woke up this morning and saw the sun rise.

*As much as I don't like the 4:30am wake up for a 6am class, I really find the pre-dawn magical.
I look forward to watching the sky change colors in the morning.
I remembered that I even use to do this as a child:

por do sol sunshine gif

I plan on getting serious stuff done this year.
 Focus on my work and take chances.
I know I might not hit every mark,
but I am willing to try
and that my friends is what I have found to be the most important
 in my personal rediscovery
I am trying.
I am less afraid and less concerned about the sky falling.
I am making muscles, so I know I can hold something high if I need to
even if it just my own shoulders

Monday, January 06, 2014

Monday giggles

A reminder that life is fun if you don't take things too seriously

Friday, January 03, 2014

The end is neigh...

OK so my first world problems were solved and the package arrived...on the Saturday. We left for our little trip on Sunday so I could still wear the dresses....though one makes my boobies look like rocks in socks...gotta find a good bra option for that dress, cause free styling is NOT an option it seems.
The Barren and I went away for the couple days before Christmas,
we are trying new things,
trying to find new personal rituals that make us feel good.
This year we tried the desert, I had a fantasy to see cactus covered or dusted in snow...
well, my state is in a drought, in fact this year is the driest on record since 1877!
We are bone dry...
So although there was no snow, the desert never disappoints in it's own beauty.
We visited a state park and were able to be almost alone for the whole day!
It was quiet and barren and beautiful.
We have to remember to bring a picnic, as we had to cut our visit short,
because we were getting hangry and
the bottle of water and mixed nuts just didn't cut the cheese.
We relaxed and got massages, sweated in the steam room, had dessert in bed and ate ate ate fancy food...
I ate everything I saw and it felt like that when I got back into class (ugh)
Then New year arrived and The Barren started to feel *funny*, he didn't drink much but we still ate like crazed people and the next day we were both lying the end of New Years day The Barren was coughing and sweating and saying funny things.
He got a cootie.
I went out to the scary pharmacy in our neighborhood
(they assume all people walking in are looking for pills, or are strung out on it is a colorful crowd when getting cold medicine)
I nursed as best as I could and tried to keep my face away from his as he coughed through the WHOLE house...leaving no surface free of cooties!
I skipped class yesterday to nurse him after the doctor said it was a possible bacterial infection in his chest, I kept a cheery disposition and made sure he got two antibiotics into him before the end of the night...but last night my chest started to get heavy, and currently it feels like there is wet sand in my lungs, weighing me down.

Sadly, I can not miss work, we are about to have a very important inspection, so I am here, skipped yoga again as I could not imagine being able to catch my breath in class...and popped two ibuprophen and am drinking water so I pee every half and hour, and trying to work with a clear head.

I can only think of two things:
1. I want to go to sleep
2. when can I get back to work in the studio?!

So my new years list is on hold, until I can really see clearly
and feel rested to really know what I want from this year.

I have deeper and more interesting things to say, but it will have to wait
 as all circuits are busy right now with other tasks.
Happy new year ladies, I will be back to my normal self soon, I am sure....