Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Look at that view

OK so I have to admit, I don't look around much in yoga...I am pretty self focused.
Not in a self-absorbed, or narcissistic sort of way but in a inward reflection kind of thing.
 I am also still trying to not puke up the four almonds
or the half liter of water I drink
 on the drive to class.
I am finding little glimpses of new physical strength
and every once in a while I will see what appears to be a muscle show.
Recently The Barren has been asking if there are any "cute guys" in class.
I find this funny, and sweet. He wants to know if I see any eye candy.
It appears that this studio mostly attracts college ladies.
I am always in a class filled with women in their early 20's, often much younger than me
almost always much more fit than me, but no one has been unkind.
I only know the name of one woman, as I asked her.
As for the other people I see almost daily, I don't know their names.
I smile and wish them a good day as I leave the locker room daily.
We've seen each other naked, or partially clothed...but no names.
strange, but not really.
I don't think any of these people come to class to make friends,
they come to practice and leave for the rest of their days.
Many often just change clothes and then go for a run! I am not that person....
Yesterday a rare event occurred, a second man was in class.
There is one guy that is in all my 6am classes, he wears a headband and a pair of long trunks.
He is college age, has little body fat and spends his practice focused.
The man that was next to me yesterday looked like he had maybe .00000018th % of body fat.
You could see every single muscle clearly defined and
 it was like I was doing yoga next to a living anatomy chart!
I remembered all the charts and images from my anatomy classes, and figure drawing classes.
I saw him as lines and shapes, wondered what it took to be that disciplined?!
I did notice that he had crooked toes, and from this I assumed he does martial arts...or did.
Why else would you have "repaired" broken toes....
I like to figure out stories for people when I see them, like in movies, when you get glimpses of backgrounds of who they are by the filmmaker showing you a fast slide show of images that allows you to understand the character in an instant.
I wasn't leering, I looked over at the beginning of class and
then when he was able to do "bird of paradise"
Which I was not able to, as my hands could not touch while
I was folded in half and bending forward.
Yoga has taught me a lot of humility and admiration!
 What I took away from this eye candy, was that it is OK to admire what others are able to do,
even if you can't do it. I had ZERO jealously about it...I was literally in awe.

As I progressed through the next salutation, Mr. Anatomy was in "child's pose"
he needed to still catch his breath. I found my mind wandering,
wow even with all his fitness he still gets winded.
That is amazing...

As the class ended, I was in deep meditation focusing on my mantra as Mr. Anatomy left,
like a ninja.
I guess that is another talent he possesses.

I am learning so much about myself.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Away I go

Salutation Saturday
One year ago today I had my surgery.
I know a lot of people on the internets are doing a month of gratitude.
I think it is great and if a call for bloggers or facebookers to write every day what you are
grateful for makes the world a more grateful one...then whooo ha!
I think I do a lot of reflection daily on things I am happy about, grateful for and looking to evolve.
So this is a little different.
In reflection of this last year:
I am glad I listened to my Primary care doc and got a second opinion
I am happy I found my cowgirl surgeon
I am happy that they developed the CA125 test
I am glad the Japanese researchers published their findings about chocolate cysts
I am thankful that she sat down and gave it to me strait
I feel badly that she had to eat crow when she was
convinced that this might "fix our fertility problems" 
I am glad that it rained that morning
I am grateful beyond words that my Barren was beside me
until the moment they took me into the OR
I am beyond thankful that my oldest friend dropped everything to be here to hold my hand.
I am so happy that my surgeon was skilled and saved my tubes and ovary for me
I am without words happy that she caught it before it became cancer
I am grateful that my body was able to heal well and return to being mine
I am thankful that a year later I am sitting here
Lighter, Happier and healthier then last
I am manifesting my new destiny
I am focusing on my desires for this life,
I am so thankful for what I am building
I am making art
I am meditating
I am happier
I have said goodbye to my guilt
It is such a relief, such a massive relief

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Thank you

Thank you for the kind words about my anniversary.
The Barren and I spent time together hugging and kissing and shaking our heads in disbelief.
You see although we have only been married 11years, we have been together over half our lives.
It is pretty crazy and not a day goes by that I don't reflect on how lucky I was to meet the right person at the right time and then never let go.