Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Punk Rock Girl

I am the still punk rock!

Okay let me back up....
So I sold an artwork to someone a couple of years ago. 
Turns out this person is a BIG TIME collector and it means something real.
She is also quite the socialite in town and often hosts events in her home.
I was able to attend one about a year and a half ago, and listen to lecture given by a woman who wrote books about some of the founding mothers of contemporary art.
At said party, we were encouraged to socialize and eat little treats etc...
that was when I saw my artwork on the wall!
It was a thrill and then a HORROR as I realized I had not signed my work!

I thought about all night and when I wrote my thank you card, I mentioned that I would love to return for five minutes and sign the work. 
No response...so all this time it has set in my heart as a failure on my part.

Well, last night there was another meeting at the home of the hostess once again!
I daydreamed about remedying the situation but tried to fall on the side of 
" it is her artwork now, leave it be"
The home and art collection on display was beyond impressive once again

Yoko Ono work

Pretty little canapes were out in a rainbow of colors
I socialized and got a hot flash...
I saw a friend and asked if there was a cooler room that she had discovered. 
She mentioned the hostess's office which was open for visitors 
to see the continued art collection.

I met a woman in this room whom I chatted up while cooling off...
we admired the same work and talked about what we loved about certain pieces
I asked if she was an artist
 (this event was hosting artists, curators, museum directors, gallery owners and art writers)
She was and asked if I was as well
I mentioned that m artwork was just in the other room
She asked to see it.
When I looked at it my heart sank...and I mentioned to her that I had forgotten to sign it...
She grabbed it off the wall and said "do it now!"

I giggled and eagerly took the frame into the adjoining room and opened it up and popped out the mat and signed the work. Then just as quickly, popped it back into the frame and locked it all back up. She was by my side the whole time telling me how common it is to forget to sign work...
and that the collector would want me to.

After my act was done, she asked if I could breathe...
I said..."so deeply" it was like my work was a whole piece in a collection now.
I felt vindicated 
and a bit PUNK ROCK

Thursday, August 04, 2016

Thankful Thursday

Yesterday I continued a tradition that was started many many many years ago
 and went almost forgotten until recently.
I introduced my niece to yoga.

My Aunt introduced me to her yoga practice many moons ago when I was 10 years old.
I mostly remember falling asleep on the living room floor.
That gently blossomed into me finding yoga again in college and then 
practicing in Nepal and then again before I was married
and as a newlywed.

Then it fell away until three years ago and now I don't think I will forsake it again.
I introduced my nephew first...we do yoga (a few poses) when he spends the night, 
before he plays video games and when we go for exploration walks.

Yesterday as part of my nieces "graduation to Jr. High" school gift, 
we attended a class together.
She is 12 and now old enough to attend a level 1 class with an adult.
(I was that adult, hahaha)
I picked her up and asked if she was excited about it or nervous.
She said she was both, I told her I was too, so we could be beginners together.

We arrived early so we could get her signed into class.
She signed the forms in big round letters that spelt out her first name
 and only the first initial for her last name,
thus beginning her week of free yoga.

I showed her the locker room 
(part of my plan was to introduce her to a locker room before starting Jr High school)
I gave her a tour of the changing area,I showed her where the hair bands were, the q-tips and lotions. I pointed out that there were tampons on the backside of the toilet, in case someone got their period.
Hairdryers and kleenex all for use.
She picked out our locker, we stored our clean clothes for after class and headed to the studio to wait for the class to begin.

We chatted a little before the teacher showed up and watched all the other people arrive into class.
She followed along, exploring the quiet moments, and watching me for pose ques.
It was surreal for me...this little girl was becoming a teenager before my vary eyes.
We compared how sweaty we got...smiled at each other and did yoga!

After class, she was in a good mood and we headed back to the locker room.
There were women in various states of undress...
I told her I was going to take a shower, and asked if she wanted to as well...
she opted out (which I expected) and I gave her the key to the locker and told her which shower I was in and to meet back at the locker when she was done changing. 
She changed in a toilet stall.
I only freaked out a little when the locker room got really quiet when I was rinsing off...and I wanted to call out her name to see if she was still there...but decided that I was going to treat her like a grown up and let her be. 
She was on the bench next to the locker on her ipod when I walked over from the shower.
I got dressed and asked what she was doing and if she felt okay after class.

We thanked the teacher after class and walked to get her a smoothie....
As we were returning to the car I turned and saw this...
I had my camera on the wrong setting, but you get the idea:

It is happening!

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

It is all fun and games...

It is all fun and games until your doctor says:
multiple times in a visit.

Time is marching on and I am apparently aging, regardless of my 
inability to believe it.

Tired at mid-day= besides waking up at 4am daily...
you are gonna find that it takes longer to recover.
Periods acting weird, even on a BCP= you are 46, we are seeing signs of perimenopause
night sweats= perimenopause
pissed off at what I am saying= perimenopausal
That spot I need to burn off your face= stupid things you did as a teenager, now you will pay for it!

They say aging is a gift, I understand that 
I believe that
I am thankful for still being able to walk this earth...

Aging, the process is a mystery and many facets are mysterious
I need to corner people and ask questions...
I need information!

Apparently, even though I feel like an awkward 17year old on the inside
I am still a 46 year old on the outside


Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Laughter in funny places

I was in line at Target the other day and could hear a kid 
in COMPLETE meltdown mode.
Kicking, screaming... crying
Mom, trying to finish her tasks had the kid in the cart and was in 
the self check out line.
She was doing the "don't give the situation attention, it will only make it worse" technique
The result, was the little girl screaming and kicking in the cart the whole time
while mom and older sister finished their much needed tasks.
I was in a parallel line, choosing to be away from the sounds.
But....while in line I found myself laughing.
Out loud and carefree....
The couple in front of me, the cashier and the lady behind me looked at me for a reason.
I said " I am laughing because I am thankful I do not have to deal with that today.
One less drama for ME, YEAH"
At that everyone agreed and nodded and giggled to themselves.
The woman behind me said, 
" When I had my kids, that kind of thing was not allowed"
I said to her " sometimes people have bad days, clearly that little lady is having one. She is learning how to deal with it. I feel for mom, as clearly she is just trying to finish what she came her for..."

The older woman didn't really know how to react...
maybe she wasn't able to grasp the fact that a kid might have a bad day, 
and being uneducated on how to deal with the feeling, went strait to tantrum.

I completed my purchase, and left, hearing the crying fade as I left out the front doors.
It felt like I was choosing happy over drama.

But later I wondered...
Was I lacking empathy?
Was I gloating?

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


I have decided to make a bigger effort to choose positive 
in my daily life....
I believe the power of one person can make a difference.
I have chosen to be more good

Believe in LOVE and Goodness
it is always bigger than hate

Friday, June 10, 2016


Another member of the sisterhood!
My how things are changing, so many more women are open about their reproductive health and acting as cheerleaders for others...here is the newest:

Friday, May 27, 2016

Politics, babies and my body

I'm here....
that latest round of colds, flus and colds hit this house hard....
and aside from some morning nausea I am back to "normal"

I am so fired up about maintaining my rights; the rights of  my nieces and nephews,
 that I re-registered so that I could vote in the primary here in the States.
I was registered with a party that would only allow me to vote party line.
I needed to change that.
I am so upset, and frustrated with the casual misogyny, hate speak, fear mongering and general shit talk that I chose to not sit idyll and instead do what I could to make changes.
 I normally don't talk politics and this is as far as I will go...
I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it any longer

I have two baby gifts in read to be packed up, as more people are preggers.
I would say I am pretty unfazed by it, but in all honesty, I haven't been around them while they are blossoming. What I did have a physical reaction to was a casual mention of an impromptu baby shower for a fellow artist...I felt my stomach clench and then race through the monologue of 
"I don't do baby showers, I am happy to send a gift but I am not going to attend"
I decided that, that event has WAY too many triggers for me and so I choose to avoid them....
like the boogie man!

My body:
I stumbled on this project and there is a whole section on fertility, here is one with a statement about the portrait subject:
As mentioned before, I am floating farther away from my sole identity as an infertile woman.
It is bittersweet...but I think a natural progression with age and peace. 
I have recently purchased a vintage photograph of a child.
It resonated in me when I saw it. 
So I bought it, and when it arrived I matted and framed it and added it to my personal altar. 
I allows me to see a manifestation of a child that makes me feel happy.
Like a moment from a daydream captured.
It has settled something in me.