Friday, July 10, 2015

Keep on Trucking

So my last few posts have been heavy and loaded with life crap
I am still in shock but, I finally got some good news

I submitted a portfolio of work that I had hoped :
" demonstrated a professional level of proficiency in the medium"
" Work that showed a consistent, well developed artistic vision"

I had waited years to submit to this group, 
they hold very high standards and quite frankly, 
I was intimidated to try until just now.
They are the oldest guild (of their kind) in the US, started in 1912

I had a "what the fuck" moment and submitted.
This year they also allowed online submissions and 
it saved me having to drive several hundred miles to submit my work.
Needless to say I was counting the days as the month grew longer 
and when the email finally arrived I was scared 
but, the first words were kind so I read further 
and it was a congratulations letter!

I told The Barren who in turn wanted to get wasted and hang from the ceiling....
but I was in shock so I told him I only needed a hug.
He was deflated...but gave me a hug.
I am still in disbelief.
I think after all these months of "No Thank Yous"
I am in disbelief that I possessed the ability to make something worthwhile

I finally let The Barren cheer for me and I had a little moment of cheering myself...
I did it.

I also made it through the annual 50,000 mile service update with the doctor.
It was low on drama and I was frank and forthright, and had a list.

I told her quite openly that my relationship with food had dramatically changed, 
and that most meals involve guilt and fear.
I told her that I think about everything I eat on a scale of  
" would the doctor think this was a right choice"
(How twisted is that! I know it is, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it still)
She looked concerned and after asking some basic do you smoke, how much do you drink, are you exercising questions, she tried to assure me that I am doing good, 
that I am in the right BMI (a number I do not believe in) 
and that I should keep on trucking

She also diagnosed me with Costochondritis
I have had this for almost a year and aside from feeling like " is this a heart attack?"
and some reassurances from women weightlifters
I was glad to hear that I wasn't in fact imagining it 
and I am NOT having heart attacks.

I had fasted for the appointment and by the time I left, I had to give blood too...
that was an hour of waiting and I was famished when I left...
there was a new vegan cafe I had yet to try 
so I was the first one in the door when they opened at 11am
(I had been up drinking water since 6am to plump up my veins so the vampire wouldn't miss)
 I had their "most popular" sandwich:
a vegan Ruben...after ordering it I wondered if I had made a good choice
mayo-ish stuff, cheeze-ish stuff, sauerkraut
first thing in my tummy for the day...
it looked like this:

watch out tummy here comes what I deem as breakfast

then it looked like this:
after I licked the plate
I wandered home, and did this:

It was a highly productive day


Amel said...

WOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! CONGRATULATIOONNNSSSSS!!!! Indeed what a day it was for you! :-D Glad to know that you've got reassurances from other people and your doc about costochondritis.

CandyGirl said...

Hooray!! I'm so happy for you!!
And that sandwich looks amazing. I am jealous.

Congrats! :)

Mali said...

That's awesome news! I guess we have to keep remembering that JK Rowling submitted to 19 publishers before she was accepted. You're inspiration to me, as I go to submit yet another job application, bracing myself for the "regret to advise" letter.

nicole said...

Congrats!!!! SO SO SO Happy for you!!! It takes a lot of courage and high self esteem to put yourself out there over and over again.

From your blog, it sounds you are eating great and taking great care of yourself. I know it can be hard to not obsess on what we put in our bodies, just remember - you get to enjoy some foods too!

Congrats again! Keep up the hard work!

Jeanine Hull said...

i am so happy for you!!! Congratulations! I am also in awe of your ability to express exactly what you are feeling--well, probably not exactly, but so well that i think i have a pretty good sense of it.

I have a question out of left field. I want to know if the 'keep on truckin' pic at the top is yours or if you had to get permission to use it. I want to use it in a book i am writing and am just beginning to think about things like permissions to use art. It would be so fabulous if you have a moment to let me know. No hurry, i'm writing the last chapter right now. i hope this isn't out of line to ask, esp, in such a moment of joy.

Thanks so much!i think you have captured my email, but just in case, it's Thanks!!!