Half a century

I chickened out and stayed away from my parents home.

It broke my heart, but I understand that even if we never got near each other it was a risk I was not willing to take in their health or ours.

So I had a Facetime call with them followed by a zoom call with some friends.

I had sent out invitations to join the call and half way through got self conscience and stopped emailing peeps and then with the gentle nudge of The Barren, 

I sent it out like a crazy shotgun blast to a bunch of people.

Everyone said they would attend and then I freaked out again....

but like parties of the past, not everyone showed up, which was fine.

I did my hair and wore something other than a sweatshirt...and had a pre-meeting freak-out about how everyone was going to be looking at me and I suddenly looked like a tired old woman.

I moved the ipad and swallowed my pride and got on camera.

It was lovely..and SUPER SURREAL!!

I offered my homemade cupcakes to the crowd...

my brother had made a snack tray and had nibbles on camera at his home, 

a neighbor couple wore green mustaches, 

another couple of people had glasses of wine, a cousin showed off her new baby chicks. 

We took tours of each others living rooms and yards.

Then something absolutely humbling happened....

everyone started to show off artwork they had of mine.

I was floored and so deeply touched!

I mean really touched and humbled.

Someone suggested they sing happy birthday 

and the song sounded like it was being sung in a round...which was super funny.

When the call ended I took a shower and fell into a nap!

Two days later I got a gift delivered from a painter friend.

I had sat for her in 2013 while she explored options for a portrait project.

She gifted me the study she did of me.

It is a good likeness of me and I sent a photo of me next to the painting to her 

and she posted it on social media.

I feel like I need a manor home to hang a portrait of myself, it seems very Georgian.

Today I received another gift from another painter friend of poppies.

She said that I came into her mind when she was making it and felt I should have it.

50 is full of surprises so far

It was not what I thought it would be, or how I thought it would be celebrated.

It felt nice to do something with my hair and "dress up" 

It was fun to make myself a birthday cake

and have a local bakery deliver cupcakes to my parents so we could still do our annual birthday cake for breakfast together (apart)

I could actually feel my heart refueling from the love that was shared with me on my group call.

Never mind the high level of anxiety, I was aware of the feeling and took a moment to feel it all and soak it in.

I am thankful for that!