I think the isolation in starting to get to me.
I am sleepy a lot and not really feeling creative.
I have taken to making more masks.
I had to stop last month because I made my neck spasm from looking down
at the sewing machine and ironing board.
© The-Barreness.blogspot.com
When I finally stopped I had made close to 90 masks for family and friends.
This time I am breaking up the parts and so far it has protected my neck.
I am up to about 25
I am hoping to sell some...my other job is non-existent even after installing a remote desktop to try and capture anything that might fall through the cracks.
***
Silly rant to follow
***
I am cleaning/tidying up a lot too.
It seems to have totally fallen onto my shoulders.
I cook 90% of the meals, clean, do laundry and the shopping.
I think it is starting to become too much,
I test the waters every once in a while to see what would happen if I didn't stop in the studio and dinner time arrives...it arrives and then I am asked what I was thinking of making...and then I end up stopping and making and cleaning up dinner.
The Barren has taken to baking bread regularly and often I end up cleaning up after that too.
After dinner my dishes are collected and then I find them stacked on the counter, left for cleaning.
I clean them as I find a full sink in the morning massively distracting...
so I am trying to perform an act of kindness for myself.
I am not going to complain about it as I figure it would only leave to an argument and I don't want that energy in the house.
OK rant over...a rant about silly things!
***
-Second rant-
I went to pick up online orders for groceries yesterday. It was a warm day, and I was SHOCKED by how crowded the beach was, the streets were filled with people.
I mean I guess as Americans, just like all the memes I've seen:
we got tired of the virus, so it simply does not exists anymore.
As a rule follower, I am short circuited, by this.
I see new cases every day in my county, and there was a rise two weeks after Easter, and now I expect there to be another two weeks from now.
People have died locally, and still so so so so many people ignore the request to wear a mask.
It is still "suggested" that you wear one.
***
Onto Uterus news:
I made some gifts for two baby showers that are coming up.
I made them and then made sure to get them out of the house ASAP
I didn't mind making the burp cloths and printed onesies,
but my gosh, I could not have them stay here.
Virtual baby showers!
I mean is this a new hell...??!!
I normally do not go to showers...that is my no-go line in the sand, but
The Barren RSVP'd that we would attend a virtual one...so I am going to a baby shower.
OMFG
I am thankful that it is just us in the home.
We have a small place and the idea that a kiddo would be here too pacing and trying to do school and be occupied is a scenario I can not imagine.
So in that regard, yeah for being Barren.
Also my period is 26 days late so far...
Aside from a pandemic, it appears that I have officially kicked open the peri-menopausal door
I feel a little shaky mentally
I am taking everything slowly...and methodically
I guess I am grieving the loss of what was, and realizing that it will be a long time before I can go to art shows, or galleries or museums.
It will be a long time before things seem like a new normal.
Maybe it will never be a new normal.
I am just kind of lost for an anchor of okay.
My yoga studio is moving to streaming classes next week...
that might be closer to like being social kind of...
it all feels off.
I do hope you are all feeling less lost and shaky.
2 comments:
Good luck selling some of your masks. And making 90 is a huge effort. You've done a good thing there - not just for your family and friends, but for all the people they come into contact with too.
Okay, The Barren needs to pull his weight! lol We have a rule that the cook doesn't have to do the dishes. But anyone baking definitely has to clean up after themselves! I do almost all the cooking, but it would drive me crazy if I had to do the dishes/load/empty the dishwasher too.
Also (and not that I'm picking on The Barren), if he RSVPed to attend a virtual baby shower, he gets to attend it! You don't have to if you don't want to.
Yay to kicking the door open - or not yay, but it is such a relief not to have periods!
I love the phrase "anchor of okay." Can your anchor of okay be your home and The Barren? That's been my anchor of home. But yes, I can understand how you are feeling, especially after seeing all those people at the beach, on the streets, etc. I'm sending hugs and wishing you the best.
I read all of your posts and I will always read your rants. It's healthy to get stuff off of our chest. :) Everything is starting to get to me too. I'm very emotional these days and everything feels just a little too hard. I am devastated over our current loss of sports and arts. I am doing the best I can to cope, but this is very hard.
P.S. I was The Barren. My boyfriend does all of the cooking and then I realized he was doing all of the cleaning too. I have since stepped up! He never said anything to me, but I wouldn't have minded if he had. I just completely missed the fact that he was doing all the kitchen cooking and cleaning. Maybe The Barren is being unobservant like I was being?
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