a kind of free thought post...
So The Barren is working elsewhere this week and I am home and left to my own devices.
I mention this because it accentuates the amount of time I spend alone.
My artwork naturally requires I work alone and often for hours on end...
I find myself talking to the cats and myself and then when I need to run an errand,
I am HYPER social,
to the point of me hearing my own voice and thinking:
Who is that lady? She sounds like a cheerleader, all excited about a head a lettuce...
So I am almost always eager to stop working when The Barren arrives home and socialize with someone I adore and can answer me back .
This last weekend two of my girlfriends hubby's were out of town on a "boys weekend" and when The Barren heard this he said I am taking you all out.
At first, I was a little jealous, I mean he is mine! but then I thought about how they might feel that same kind of alone I feel during the week so I agreed.
It was a nice no pressure kind of night, the ladies were totally touched
and we had a few drinks and some food.
When we went to pick up the first one,
she said she was ravenous and then looked at me and said:
" I'm pregnant"
I was struck by how ballsy she said it, but then she expressed how she was kind of scared to tell me
and decided that she should just do it like a band-aid, and blurt it out.
The Barren was in a nearby room within earshot and said..."did I hear that right?"
I thanked her for telling us and that she did perfect.
The rest of the night had baby tentacles in the conversations of
" my baby, and my body and when the baby comes"
She is 10.5 weeks and was bursting to tell people...so she told her closest.
I was touched and only lost myself in thought once...
when The Barren said: what was the name we had?
I shot him a look and he instantly realized he had walked on sacred ground.
I guess there will always be things I will not give up.
The rest of the night every time she mentioned baby things, I was thinking, thank goodness
I am looking forward to watching them be parents...it will be awesome!
We quietly checked in with each other all night: you alright? need a break?
While sitting at a pre-party to our group date out,
she mentioned that she blurted out her pregnancy to other female friends that are trying, and they were supportive...but I thought about them and their struggles up to now to become parents.
it was a wild heart kind of valentines.
Twists and turns and loop d loops
After we dropped off the ladies at a modest 9pm, we went home and got into PJ's and snuggled down.
I fell asleep first...very romantic.
This week I am going to business meetings, practice and ideally get some office work too.
It is quiet now and leads my overwhelmed mind on divergent trails of thought...but I want to have a productive week, and not feel as though I am simply passing days until The Barren arrives home.
I spent a lot of time alone in my 20's traveling, and on one trip far far from home, when The Barren and I were dating, I sat down in this beautiful place, alone with a journal/sketchbook and thought
"it would be really nice to turn to someone and say isn't that beautiful?!"
I think that is when I knew I was ready to be with The Barren,
because I wanted that someone to be him.
The amazing card I got on hearts day said the same to me.
My heart is full with love for that amazing man.