Loading dose

 

Today I started my first dose of colitis/crohns medication.

I went to meditation this morning and wore a purple bra

(I am a firm believer that purple is a good luck color, well for me it is)

The nurse is nice and will be my nurse from here on out. 

We got the baby question out of the way right at the start with, 

"do you have any children"

to which I said, "no we don't, we just have each other"

The infusion center is in an allergy clinic, so there was a large group of people there to get allergy meds, crying babies and a lot of commotion.

The Barren came with me, and although he looked away when the needle stuff happened 

he was my solid dude 💓

Todays dose is called a loading dose, as they are loading a smaller dose today and then in two weeks I get another dose. I will be monitored for a bit afterwards to make sure I don't have any reactions. The another dose in 6weeks and then 8 weeks...and then I am on the schedule of every 8 weeks.

In between I will be having blood, stool and scans to monitor progress.

The medicine is designed to specifically target my gut, but it still makes me immunocompromised.

I will continue my vegan gluten free lifestyle, for life.

After the infusion we raced home, because The Barren had a work call and then the doorbell rang...

outside my front door was a man holding a huge arrangement of flowers.

My sweet Barren had a bouquet delivered.

The message read:

"this is one crazy ride, but I am glad I am on it with you"

💓💓💓

more tears, but also smiles

We close our eyes

A Woman is Supporting Another Woman, Who has fainted upon Reading a Letter (1807)

Christoffer Wilhelm Eckersberg (Danish, 1783 – 1853)

 I start my infusions tomorrow.

Last Wednesday I got the call that all was set into motion. Since that call, the date has been changed the location has been changed and I have learned the name of my nurse. Plus made appointments for several other appointments and tests that need to be completed.

I have also rushed a friend to the ER 
and dealt with many stressful situations that comprise a life.

I have shared the information with my bestie, my brother, my meditation teacher, my massage therapist (boy I sound quite affluent) but not my parents.

I am having concerns with sharing it with them until after my first session so I can answer all the abstract questions my mother will ask and that way I can still feel a micron of control until then. Also my father is having some memory issues and the last thing I need is a daily call asking in a childlike voice " how I am feeling" when all I want to is to feel strong and powerful and capable.

I told my bestie that I don't want:

" the last thing I want is to be a willowy Victorian woman 
wasting away in the corner who everyone treats with caution"

I am now trying to get used to the day being peppered with medical calls...all of which seem to send a wave of chaos and panic through me and my instinctual reaction is to run....

leave the house, do anything else than what I have to do.

I have managed to make a couple things, and although it feels like pulling taffy, and that it is a steep, steep incline; I am seriously determined to keep on keeping on. 

I have to see the lifestyle I want, instead of the life that someone else thinks I should have.

I sound like a verbal vision board...

I clearly am doing anything and everything in my power to normalize this WHOLE experience.

The Barren is coming with me to the first infusion, because after asking, the nurse said he could come to the first one. 

I have also started a visual for my mantras:

I am a boat on the water, bobbing on the surface.

No water can get into me or sink me

 I can ride out each wave with curiosity and calm.

This is a whole new world...

I am really just guessing at shit now