Familiar Heaviness

**another quarantine ramble**

© The-Barreness.blogspot.com

So here we are in December...it has been a month since we said goodbye to our kitty and I still involuntarily check places he would be. I also have heard little sounds around the home at night and while I sit in the studio thinking, I hear him grooming himself in the chair behind me. 

Last night I swear the blankets had a cat on them as they were so heavy when I pulled them up to my chin.

A familiar heaviness.

Maybe that is it, there is a familiar heaviness in the days now.

The long weekend produced over 1600 new cases in my county, and I expect that number to rise even further as the days pass into the new year.

I spoke with the GI about my first colonoscopy and we agreed that me postposing it was safe and I was at a low risk group. The case numbers are climbing too high and I did not want to take medical people away from helping others that are in a much more dire situation than a routine colon screening. 

I am getting one, just not while the covid numbers are climbing.

The Barren and I had a mediocre Thanksgiving, we shopped for food and made different food and I tried a new recipe that ended up being long labored and came out quite boring! So that put me into quite an off mood. The Barren had a similar situation with his planned sides, and the bread didn't rise as it should have so we quietly ate a disappointing meal.

When my brother facetimed me the next day, he recounted a similar situation of making big efforts to make something special and it coming out super disappointing.

SUPER BUZZKILL

When I was cooling down from my mild temper tantrum, I mentioned to The Barren, 

Why is this different? We have been cooking from home since MARCH.

Making food and trying recipes for months....

Why do we think that thanksgiving is different?

We are thankful and present most days, and give to others every month...

Ugh, it was disappointing to watch others travel and visit others...

Tik Tok had families gathered and boasting that they were all infected...

I am so exhausted of the quarantine, 

and being a rule follower.

I am lonely, tired all the time

Pulling myself through daily chores and mediations.

My yoga studio found a loophole and has declared itself a "wellness center"

so they are now teaching indoor classes, and have reduced the park classes. 

So I fill my schedule with pre-recorded videos and go to the park two times a week to practice at 8 ft away in a mask nearby others.

The studio classes are full (10people per class) and filled with 20-30yr olds.

I am not the studios demographic.

It all makes me feel old and "responsible"

(a label I was given in my 20's and I have tried to fight it, but I am; I am responsible)

Thanksgiving weekend also got us to send our holiday cards out...

(responsible)

We had a portrait taken by a photographer I have admired for a decade, she does Ambrotype portraits and we did one for our 18th wedding anniversary and used it as our card this year.

I got a call from my parents last night that it had arrived and that it was "interesting"

which is coded language for " I don't like it"

sigh

I will leave this post of rambling about the mundane on a high note...

I dropped of my artwork to the gallery for the year end big event!

No reception this year, but a lot of buzz as always...

My piece sold in the first 2hours!!

I don't know who bought it, I will inquire later, but I am happy to have that pressure taken off my chest.

A sale means two things:

1. I have a new collector

2. I get invited back the next year to submit again !

Of the 11 years I have been invited I have sold work in 9 of them.

then when I thought that was my high of the day

I posted a drawing I did of a musician playing their instrument and tagged them on social media.

That musician not only commented on the work 

but BOUGHT a different piece of my art from my ETSY shop!!!

I have to admit, I did one heck of a happy dance.

so there was that too.

A roller coaster of emotions.

Much like the fluctuation in temperature from day to day.