Cliff Diver

I just came back from a meeting at the GYN's

Yes a meeting, because I had questions!

I have been feeling quite unconnected from my body...

like I was chasing her across a field and calling for her.

She never turns around or answers...

I want her back.

I have been blue, and bloated and lethargic and skipping yoga to sleep.

I understand that some of it might be residual grief...but it felt different.

I have tried several pills and all paths have lead to constant spotting-light to heavy to bleeding.

I have not stopped taking the pill since thanksgiving (US) and aside from maybe two weeks...

I have been bleeding to some degree.

So I wondered if the pill was working anymore for me.....

and because all the women in my family have all had hysterectomies I had questions

that could not be answered by them.

No one had gone through peri-menopause before or carried several fibroids around.

Long story short....

I am stopping the pill tonight!

I am kind of excited and a little nervous...

but I know now that I have a medical someone on my side who understands that 

uterine ablation and D&C are on the bottom of my list.

I am hoping that my little 12week sized uterus will be happy with this choice

 and relax into retirement on her own.

I have options if the bleeding lasts longer than 10-14 days 

and I have options if there is pelvic pain.

Her theory is that I might not be having regular periods anymore and taking 

BCP is simply adding estrogen and making my uterus act all dramatic.

The Barren thinks this will be really good for me and proudly stated that 

he has no worries about it.

I will take that vote of confidence and hope.

So here I go....

I am about to jump from the cliff into the vast unknown