The Monster

I have an appointment to see a gyno on Wednesday.

I have not stopped bleeding and throwing large clots since Tuesday. 

(it is Saturday night)

When I asked my doctors office for advice, they said:

  you are already on the pill, there is nothing more we can do.

After feeling set afloat and abandoned...

I started calling gyno offices to see who took my insurance...and booked an appointment to see someone new.

When I called on Tuesday in shock at what appeared to be another miscarriage, I was immediately dismissed and told it was impossible on the pill.

Feeling run over and emotionally hurt as well as terrified by what was happening to my body...

I requested a change in BC pill as I had been spotting since August.

It was requested and after some hunting down, I got it ordered and filled.

I am bleeding

a lot

I fear and expect that this is The Monster that has been laying in wait for all these years.

The same monster that I have managed since my surgery in 2012. 

The Monster that has been quiet until now....allowing me to be me and feel like I had some control.

I don't know what shifted back in July to start the spotting

and then the the bleeding in August

that didn't stop until the end of the month

and then the spotting to begin again in October and

here I am now entering my third week of bleeding.

I have no pain...so that makes it all the more creepy.

This Monster lulls me into thinking all is fine but, has me in the bathroom every three or so hours.

I have had to stop yoga, as I tried to practice this week and got so dizzy and nauseous that I had to stop multiple times.

The Monster makes me think am covered and then leaks out of the body and into my clothes at work.

The Monster makes me think I can do normal tasks, but then when I attempt to begin, I am unplugged and need to sleep.

I am taking iron to try and build amour to protect myself...

drinking green juices to get even more iron

but every few hours I am drained of my efforts.

I do hope this doctor can be an ally

help me save my uterus from The Monster...

until then I take my BC pills and iron supplements and hope that my shield is strong enough to protect me from collapsing.