I made it past so many milestones these last few weeks...
I am amazed at myself.
I am still standing...and I really believe that I can say I am firmly planted.
|my view of the crowd and cameras and newspaper people|
I survived the speaking engagement, turns out it was me and two museum directors!
No other artists on the panel, so I indeed offered a unique perspective.
It was an extra credit kind of thing, so the people who were not looking at their phones the whole time were kind of listening. I had super prepared and was quoted in the school paper complete with some unflattering photos:
The Barreness, a photographer and printmaker shared her experience with rejection, but she describes having her work accepted as magical and validating “Rejection is a massive part of the career, “Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.”She advises to learn how to do everything— to understand what’s being made in the community, to go to art galleries and read books."
So that happened and is past me. The Barren surprised me and came to the event, and sat across the hall opposite of me, so he could give me ques about speaking up and cheer me on. I was beyond touched and felt so very loved and supported and surprised.
Next was my miscarriage anniversary, and I was quiet most of the day, but I felt stronger than years past, although it might not of appeared that way from the outside. A few people mentioned just how exhausted I looked. The Barren checked in with me a couple of times, and made a suggestion that to better live with the day, maybe I should consider treating it differently; think of it differently. Instead of mourning the loss, think of it more like a journey, or the start of one. Our little star child was released to be whomever they were meant to be with us and it created the magic that allows them to whisper in our ears when our heart is heavy or come to us in our dreams when I need to imagine what they might have looked like... As a reassurance of them always being with us.
I am working on that....but I can see the long-term benefit of it.
A healthier heart and lighter soul, for us all.
Then there was Halloween and a chance to dress up as a longtime hero:
Considering I am allergic to latex this was an act of bravery and admiration! I loved slipping into this persona and feeling strong and smarter than normal and ready to take on the world!
We made dinner and turned off the porch lights and binged watched Stranger Things season 2...it was the perfect Halloween, there was even rowdy teenagers outside looking for trouble and candy and tummy-aches.
Then our wedding anniversary!
Whew...25years together and 15 married...crazy crazy and ooooh so thankful and grateful and wonderful. My heart is beyond full when I think of the The Barren. He is truly a match made in heaven for me. He got me a crystal ball, so I could see our long and happy lives 💖 I mean REALLY!!
Now I am left to wonder what the rest of the year holds...I am beyond most of the timelines and deadlines...so really in a free-fall again to make any kind of art I want. I am also scrambling to make some cash, I have made crafty things, placed affordable art in some gallery spaces...hoping hard that someone wants to shop and become an art collector. I can say that although things are dry it is not from lack of trying. I am firmly planted now...Just fine tuning and growing.