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It seems Spring sprung and all group of gals is pregnant with babies.
I was invited to a baby shower, for a pregnant family member.
My first personal thoughts while smiling about the news was:
" oh gosh I hope they don't invite me to the shower"
I was indeed invited as was my mother and SIL
I spoke to my crying mother on the phone about the invitation
and asked her what she was crying about?!
( It has been almost a decade since we realized that we were not getting a baby this time around)
She said, "I don't think I can go,
I mean it was suppose to be you! I am so sad that you never got to do any of this...."
I was really surprised, I mean this came out of left field for me!
I told her that maybe we could go together and leave before they opened gifts...
She told me she was concerned about the silly games...
I told her we would go to celebrate a the family that was becoming a new Aunt and Grandma
...wasn't that exciting?
She said she would think about it.
I then texted my cousin who was one of the hosts and said:
" I am trying to get an answer outta my mom, baby showers are hard for us- so I am trying to get my mom to come for a little bit but most likely we'd leave before gifts, sorry for the delay in responding"
Typing her made my heart beat hard; surprisingly, I felt slightly ashamed and embarrassed at being to emotional.
She wrote back super fast:
"totally understandable and seriously no worries at all if you decide to pass. Most important was just that you know we love you and you are invited, and NO REASON at all to apologize, even in the least bit.
Our mom to be is not a big fan pf attention, so the whole thing is a little strange for her. No pressure, she will not feel any less supported or loved if you choose to skip it"
I called to tell my mom that we had time to make up our minds about where to set limits....
she told me she already said she'd go.
I am still glad I totally put myself out there and owned my reality
Sigh....
That night while feeling confused and spun, The Barren told me he was going to play a benefit concert and was only allowed 1 person to go and see him.
It was on the same day.
I RSVP'd that night that I was not going.
Now I am left with finishing the baby gifts to deliver ahead of the shower
....all handmade
because I am that person.
