Friday, September 20, 2013

Putting down some bags


I tried two new classes this week, they pushed me, hard.
I felt sluggish and needed a little kick in the ass, so I kicked myself.
The first class was the next level up from the classes I have been taken these last three months.
It was a good change; new poses and a faster pacein that 103degree room.
The second class I described to a friend as this:
OK I did it, I went to Sculpt this morning....It was like taking: cardio, step, aerobics, core and weight training in 100degrees with a few yoga moves thrown in for giggles. Oh it is was taught by a speed freak who was as tiny as a spider monkey! I am still red in the face and floating...I think I will stick to the level 2 for build up my strength....or stamina. I actually was laughing at one point because everything was swirling around me so fast....
It was like being in a gym class, the teacher was yelling, the music was loud house music and the people in class were mostly athletic college students. I was way out of place!
Being out of place was good, in a weird way.
It highlighted that I don't need to fit into all the boxes.
A reminder that I am not like others and I have no desire to be.
I finished the class, and showered slowly and quietly. On the way out the yoga teacher that told me to give it a try saw that I had actually done it and congratulated me, and then asked what I thought.
I said:
 " it was not what I had expected, I think I need to build some endurance up before attempting another class"
She said she understood and that she didn't like crossfit
it made me giggle
I have carried that idea all week, push myself and accept things that I am not meant to be a part of.
Drop a few bags that I am done carrying.
I have bowed out of the women's business group for a couple months; I felt I wasn't really present as of late and I needed to be for myself and the others there.
So I am taking a little break.
I am also transferring responsibility for a nonprofit group that I have
been doing webwork for the last three years for.
It was hard to ask someone else to take over; but such a relief that the person I asked agreed without drama or hesitation. I am incredibly thankful!
And I am beginning to feel a little less weight on my shoulders.
I don't like saying no, or not volunteering when I know I can do what is needed.
Right now I am building a new me, and it requires that I stay focused on my goals and basic needs to build a firm and confident foundation.
So I am not saying yes to much right now....not to be mean but to be focused.
There are a few things coming up that I could say yes to but I have remained silent.
In the past these same people have asked for the same things and not reciprocated and it has left me feeling stepped on and used, so right now I am just focusing on me
being happy and giving in other ways and being kind.

If you haven't heard this speech yet here is a link to written version of
George Saunder's commencement speech,
it is inspired and moving and good words to live by as we drop our bags
and open our arms to new paths:

No comments: