Friday, May 01, 2015

Aches and Pains

I had a pretty crappy nights sleep, 
between being a pillow/couch for the cats (that seem to triple their weight when asleep) 
and a couple night hot flashes it was a rough night.

I felt achy and sore and old.
I sometimes suffer from a ligament thing in my chest, where it feels like the fibers in my chest are being pulled away from my sternum and it makes simply having boobs painful.
This morning was one of those mornings. 4am and the alarm is going off next to the snoring Barren and I sat up and said my morning thank yous for waking up and pulled my butt and sore boobs outta bed, avoiding the bedside table that I have already walked into and gotten in impressive bruise from and the cats on the floor who now have been "activated" into feed me mode and started a new day.

I am trying another new thing...wake up and say thank you.
Start the day with gratitude....regardless of what lays past that in the road for the day....
start with a moment of  "wow, I woke up and I'm not dead today!"

I met with a friend the other day to talk about her ideas for her new business launch and how she would like me to help. She is an all around nutrition, exercise, massage, reiki master kind of gal.
She is re-inventing what she wants for this stage of her life.
I was mesmerized and in awe of how clear and sure she was...
I aspire to be clear like that for myself.
I am still treading through some murky waters...
but work every day to clear that fluid of grey matter.

She is tending for her mother who is deep into Alzheimer disease
She is still pleasant and able to have a conversation, she is not able to be alone
My friend has come to a point where she is trying to reclaim some time for herself, in preparation for a long road with a mother who might be around a while but is not aware of who she is at all anymore.

I also got a series of emails from another friend, telling me the horribly sad news of our mutual art  teacher from high school...we all hold him dear in our hearts and he just had a stroke that was triggered by his unknown fatal cancer.
Hospice is with him now and his wife has advocated for him to exit under his conditions.
They are a love story...
One their first date he brought her a corsage
she ate it
he was in love from that moment on

Ironically, someone asked them once why they never had kids, 
apparently they tried but had the RH factor and there was no treatment at the time.

Needless to say, I have had many calls in just as many days with my bestie...she and I were both his students and he is always in conversations still.

The friend that forwarded me the emails sent a sweet note to me that I think sums it up:
" I've had my fill of illness and saying goodbye recently. I'm realizing that 50 is really just the beginning of so many good byes. I treasure you dear friend"

I think we are experiencing growing pains
The aches and pains of reality as we are given this gift of aging.


Mali said...

"The aches and pains of reality as we are given this gift of aging." Such beautiful, wise words.

I will admit though, that the first time I read this, I was so shocked by the 4 am alarm that I could not finish it - I quite literally could not concentrate on your words, and knew I would have to come back today! Seriously? 4 am?

Amel said...

Growing pains, the gift of makes me melancholic, but also thankful. After a friend's husband died at 50 at the turn of the year, I cherish even more the time I still have with my husband as nobody knows when our time is up.

Sorry to hear about your boob pain and hot flashes. :-(