Monday, March 25, 2013

Awkward Silence

image via tumblr
So I had coffee with my friend.
She is the one that I/we are working with on rebuilding
the great break from years of broken fixes.
I have been making GREAT efforts to make sure I am always keeping in touch
or suggesting we have a weekend meet and catchup
It has been several weekends since we've been able to meet.
All these past weekends I have either sent a text or seen her and mentioned what a crazy full time this was or how we should figure a good time to meet.
We finally had a chance so we took it this morning.
In all honesty I am still a little gun shy, I always suggest we meet at the corner coffee shop and it allows for a fixed amount of time to sit and a public place.
I know now, that I should focus the conversation on her for the first half, or two thirds and smile a lot
I love hearing what is happening with her children and so I try and constantly take mental notes.
As she seems to round the corner of shared events, I shift some of the conversation to myself...sort of.
I can really only share some stuff.
I have found it works best when I don't share how I feel about my body...
or my deep sadness of my SIL being pregnant again
or my extreme happiness about how I don't have my days TOTALLY monopolized by another persons schedule.
or how I am kind of hung over cause the Barren and I were out drinking all night
I can talk about my art, a little about my family, and what we are doing this coming week.
I have found that she tenses up when I mention other friends,
so I don't talk about them or name them.
It sounds really restrictive, but in a way it is very controlled.
As I age I have found there are friends and there are FRIENDS and sometimes we grow apart and change in ways that distance ourselves and then over time we can grow back towards one another.
But then there are silences in our conversations.
...and in my mind I am thinking
wow, my life is very different from yours and I can't relate.
It is a strange flip.


A Place to be Me said...

Hi from ICLW! I can really relate to growing apart from friends, but then coming back together. It's interesting how our paths break and merge over time.

Mali said...

This is very similar to a friendship I have. We used to be best friends - but that changed after she had children and I didn't. We tried to rekindle our friendship - and we did - but then she slipped back into the habits of leaving it to me to suggest we get together. I had to grieve the loss of the friendship again. Now, I'll still see her and text her and chat - but I do it with different expectations, and that makes it a whole lot less painful when I feel rebuffed.

nicole said...

I had a friends like this before and know what you mean. It feels so different than the way things once were. I hope in time she can accept hearing more about your life, because that's what friends are fro.