I spent the weekend filling my time with "busy work"
You know the chop wood, carry water kind of Fantastia broom scenerio
...so that I didn't think about anything but what I was doing.
It worked alright.
I have found that I go to over preparing in order to deal with unknowns and stress
|image via Hyperbole and a half|
So I have EVERYTHING in my house washed...
like even the weird slippers that I only wear once in a blue moon.
I have cleaned and stocked my medicine cabinet with
pills and bandages that are not expired.
For some reason this was really important
I have purchased enough cat food to feed the cats for another two months!
I have gotten cards to send lovebombs out to others so they arrive next week.
I convinced The Barren we needed to get a new mattress,
as out 13year old mattress was just plain tired...I have been working on this for months!
I also got a piece of furniture moved into the garage that we are looking to sell.
I have organized the garage AGAIN.
I am tackling the kitchen clutter now...
well tonight I will be, while baking a cake for the friend who helped move the
furniture into the garage.
I am framing artwork for exhibitions ahead of time and meeting with a couple friends this week.
This morning I awoke smiling and it quickly turned to tears....just a little cry before showering.
I asked The Barren if I could change my mind, he softly said "no, this is the right choice"
I knew, but I wanted to feel like I still had some power over all this.
I am currently practicing a theory the Dalai Lama mentioned about laughter:
"I have been confronted with many difficulties throughout the course of my life, and my country is going through a critical period. But I laugh often, and my laughter is contagious. When people ask me how I find the strength to laugh now, I reply that I am a professional laughter."
--The Dalai Lama
--The Dalai Lama
The Barren after a long hug looked at me lifted my arms and started to laugh at me, his laughter was contagious and I laughed too, shaking my head and laughing. It seemed silly at first but after a while I could not tell the difference between my crying and my laughing.
Have you ever noticed that? That moment when you are laughing to hard you are crying, or crying so hard you sound like you are laughing.
Meditations, mantras and naps for the week. Trying to lull my panic attacks and
convince myself I am brave and strong and able to handle whatever is ahead.
Tomorrow is my pre-op.