Clarence White
American, 1871–1925
Blowing Bubbles, ca. 1900
Vintage cyanotype
I got the depression bubble to pop! It took a GREAT DEAL of effort, I am not going to lie. It got dark friends...real dark...I went to places I hadn't visited in a long time. It was a scary walk through a quiet and dank place.
I even thought about calling my therapist, someone I haven't seen in almost two years; but she gave me the tools and I remembered them as I hung from my fingertips off that cliff.
I worked through it, and used words when questioned in my corner. I allowed my hubby to see that I was struggling, and he knew what and where I was on my journey. I cried finally and figured out what I was so angry and sad about and then the bubble popped! It felt so liberating and logical, I didn't dismiss the process or the work. It truly SUCKED
Saturday night I had a chance run-in with a collector of my work. The first question he always has is "You making new work?!" I answered that I was trying. ....but as hubby and I were walking away he looked at me and said: "you are always working on something, even when you are not using your hands, you are thinking of new things and brainstorming about others"
This was something I heard: louder then my mean destructive voices, stronger then the giggles The Barreness was whispering into my ear, and clearer then the dark humm of chaos.
*** Yesterday I spent in the studio, finally! I took breaks for hugs from hubby it was like having extra mortar added to my newly restored foundation.
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2 comments:
Good for you on popping that depression bubble! I hope it makes you feel stronger.
And I love your collector's inspiration. That's how I feel about writing. Even if I'm not at the computer, I'm writing in my head, thinking of new ideas, etc etc.
I am THRILLED to hear this! Good job lady! Sometimes it just takes time, introspection, and yes - using those tools we've learned through therapy to get through this stuff. So glad to hear you got some studio time in.
Mostly I am just super happy you are feeling better.
By the way, I always love the tidbits you share about your hubby - you two sound like you have a great and super supportive relationship and it makes me smile :)
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