Friday, September 11, 2015

Today, tomorrow and many years ago

Today is the 11th of September
it is a big number here in the states.
It leaves me a little unsettled.

I was working at a company that distributed maps when the actual events unfolded 
and for the next year and a half my life was totally changed.
First we got calls from the military 
asking what we were selling and who could buy it.
Then we got calls from the news agencies from all over the world.
Then calls from military families often crying on the phone line asking, 
where these countries
 were that their loved ones were going to.
There were times when we had to call the FBI 
as some calls were requesting very specific kinds of details on maps.
Those were hard and scary.

I know it was best that I walked away from that job when I did.
I was scattered and emotionally spent.

Then in 2006, on this same day
before sunrise, 
and with heavy labored inhales I watched the final breath
 of my beloved grandmother.
She was in her bed, surrounded by family, completely on her own terms.
I had visited and spoken to her two days before.
We just told each other over and over that we loved each other.
It is a beautiful memory above the heartbreak.

This morning, before the sun rose
I got up and shimmed myself into my yoga clothes.
I drove into town for class and watched the sun rise as I 
took deep purposeful breaths with her in my heart.
She died from her lungs filling every time I think of her last moments 
I try and send full complete breathe to her.
I always imagine that would have been the most compassionate thing to give.
A deep breath.

Tomorrow is my nephews birthday, he was born a year later
Life goes on
and on


Amel said...


Sorry to hear about your grandmother. You two must've had quite a close bond. <3

The circle of life, eh? That job you described was quite a heavy job mentally. I don't wonder why you were spent.

Mali said...

This is a really beautiful post. My father died a year earlier than your grandmother, and I watched his final breath too. And this morning I did yoga, and breathed deeply. So this post touches me today. (Maybe that's why I hadn't read it earlier?)

A deep breath though - we underestimate its importance. I think you're inspiring me.

nicole said...


This was beautiful. (I'm slowly slowly slowly catching up on blogs). It totally illustrates the circle of life, the way big moments can occur on similar days year over year; some happy, some sad.