Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Hope is a new word to embrace

Rejections are part of being an artist.
I know I have mentioned this before, but today I got another one 
and it seems to be a year of just being rejected.
Everything I have applied for, to date, has been rejected.

I know it is not " a reflection on my work"  but instead 
" There were so many beautiful, accomplished and uniquely creative photographs. Unfortunately your work was not chosen for the exhibition, but it was a pleasure to view your work, your accomplishments as a photographer and your dedication to the process of being an artist."
blah blah blah

I didn't use the word hope for almost a year. I didn't type it, write or say it. 
It was a sacred word for so long when we were trying to become parents. I was afraid to use the word casually, or on a saying the name of a demon or stepping on a crack in the cement. 
As I have started this process of stepping back from my lost dream, I have started to use it again as an empowering word again. I am not afraid to hope for things, 
I am just a bit cautiously optimistic in the 8 year wake of IF pain.

My art has given me a platform to try and use it again...

Every check I write to a gallery to view my work for consideration, 
every hour of research I do on the juror,
every image I review for compatibility for the shows theme or concept;
I pin hope on that last stroke of the key when submitting.

I know that I have tossed caution/fate into the wind. 
Art is subjective and curators/judges often have a vision of the show 
before even seeing any of the work. 
I try to forget about the submission until the week they are due to announce the results.

Even after all these years and all the rejections
It still feels like a kick in the heart when the generic letter arrives
I get sad 
I get mad
I get unsure of my self and my work
I wonder if I am on the right path, the right road or
in the right state of mind.

Somehow, I seem to always pull myself up by my bootstraps 
and write another check for chance, 
for HOPE.
I just keep working towards/for my dream of supporting The Barren and making him a kept man,
and having someone love my work as much as I think it is worth being loved.


Mali said...

I'm sorry you've been getting these rejection letters. (I've been getting them too - as I've been applying for jobs). I'm glad you're finding hope again though. It's what keeps us going. Good luck for next time!

Amel said...

Sorry to hear about the rejection letters. Wish you all the best for next time!