Rejections are part of being an artist.
I know I have mentioned this before, but today I got another one
and it seems to be a year of just being rejected.
Everything I have applied for, to date, has been rejected.
I know it is not " a reflection on my work" but instead
" There were so many beautiful, accomplished and uniquely creative photographs. Unfortunately your work was not chosen for the exhibition, but it was a pleasure to view your work, your accomplishments as a photographer and your dedication to the process of being an artist."
blah blah blah
I didn't use the word hope for almost a year. I didn't type it, write or say it.
It was a sacred word for so long when we were trying to become parents. I was afraid to use the word casually, or on a whim...like saying the name of a demon or stepping on a crack in the cement.
As I have started this process of stepping back from my lost dream, I have started to use it again as an empowering word again. I am not afraid to hope for things,
I am just a bit cautiously optimistic in the 8 year wake of IF pain.
My art has given me a platform to try and use it again...
Every check I write to a gallery to view my work for consideration,
every hour of research I do on the juror,
every image I review for compatibility for the shows theme or concept;
I pin hope on that last stroke of the key when submitting.
I know that I have tossed caution/fate into the wind.
Art is subjective and curators/judges often have a vision of the show
before even seeing any of the work.
I try to forget about the submission until the week they are due to announce the results.
Even after all these years and all the rejections
It still feels like a kick in the heart when the generic letter arrives
I get sad
I get mad
I get unsure of my self and my work
I wonder if I am on the right path, the right road or
in the right state of mind.
Somehow, I seem to always pull myself up by my bootstraps
and write another check for chance,
I just keep working towards/for my dream of supporting The Barren and making him a kept man,
and having someone love my work as much as I think it is worth being loved.