Monday, March 26, 2012


Clarence White
American, 1871–1925
Blowing Bubbles, ca. 1900
Vintage cyanotype

I got the depression bubble to pop!
It took a GREAT DEAL of effort, I am not going to lie.
It got dark friends...real dark...I went to places I hadn't visited in a long time.
It was a scary walk through a quiet and dank place.

I even thought about calling my therapist, someone I haven't seen in almost two years; but she gave me the tools and I remembered them as I hung from my fingertips off that cliff.

I worked through it, and used words when questioned in my corner.
I allowed my hubby to see that I was struggling, and he knew what and where I was on my journey. I cried finally and figured out what I was so angry and sad about and then the bubble popped!
It felt so liberating and logical,
I didn't dismiss the process or the work.
It truly SUCKED

Saturday night I had a chance run-in with a collector of my work.
The first question he always has is "You making new work?!"  
I answered that I was trying.
....but as hubby and I were walking away he looked at me and said:
"you are always working on something, even when you are not using your hands, you are thinking of new things and brainstorming about others"

This was something I heard: louder then my mean destructive voices, stronger then the giggles The Barreness was whispering into my ear, and clearer then the dark humm of chaos.

Yesterday I spent in the studio, finally!
I took breaks for hugs from hubby
it was like having extra mortar added to my newly restored foundation.


Mali said...

Good for you on popping that depression bubble! I hope it makes you feel stronger.

And I love your collector's inspiration. That's how I feel about writing. Even if I'm not at the computer, I'm writing in my head, thinking of new ideas, etc etc.

Nicole said...

I am THRILLED to hear this! Good job lady! Sometimes it just takes time, introspection, and yes - using those tools we've learned through therapy to get through this stuff. So glad to hear you got some studio time in.

Mostly I am just super happy you are feeling better.

By the way, I always love the tidbits you share about your hubby - you two sound like you have a great and super supportive relationship and it makes me smile :)