I made myself a cake and took it to my parents place the night before my birthday.
The four of us shared slices and I left most of it with them, so they could continue to enjoy it for the next couple days. It was a nice quiet time, but it highlighted my parents changes in cognition and socialization. I focused on being present as best I could, but when we left I was clearly overwhelmed and overstimulated from the visit. The following day The Barren and I went to a museum and ate some ramen...then we came home. He is still fighting a cold and was tired, so I made myself birthday tacos, got in my PJs and watched Indian Matchmaker on Netflix while he played video games.
I think it has become clear that birthdays are not going to be big deals anymore. For The Barrens birthday I planned a whole week of things he loved...we went on an overnight and to his favorite breweries and places. For my birthday, it felt like he kinda got overwhelmed with work and chose to not do anything. So that was that.
Part of me wants to let it ride, another part of me felt disappointed.
If I am going to be honest, and it is my blog, so I can say that.
I felt kind of forgotten, and it didn't feel celebratory.
Lesson: no one is going to celebrate your birthday like you celebrate other people
The art exhibition ended the day before my birthday and was a personal success in many ways, there were a lot of bumps with it as well, and I learned a lot about the experimental process along the way. Four of the six pieces exhibited sold and that is a big personal record for me.
That exhibition has folded over into the next opportunity that I am currently working on...and stressing about.
I am not sleeping well, and I need cannabis gummies most nights to help me stay asleep, but I am eating clean, and exercising and taking my vitamins. I am being a responsible adult, and that seems to be taking more and more effort.
The number on the cake is not phasing me, at least not yet...
so that is a plus 😀
I made a list of things I wanted to do for my bday:
Take annual nude selfie ✔
buy myself flowers ✔
make a yummy cake ✔**
enjoy a cuppa tea and a sweet ✔
paint nails
shoot some film ✔
wear something that makes me feel good about myself ✔
laugh ✔
I have also decided to break form this year and attend a baby shower. I have not gone to any in a looooooooooonnnng time, but a darling woman who I used to nanny for is expecting and has invited me to attend, and I without much thought, said yes. I was shocked at how easy it was to plan to go. I guess I am growing in many ways.
So here is to 53, a total shock, a real leap of growth, a change from the norm...
it was my birthday Tuesday and I survived.
