Friday, October 01, 2021


 Circles, they are beautiful and never-ending...

Soap bubbles are shaped in circles (mostly, well when you think of that I think of them, they are a myriad of shapes and this metaphor might not work now...)

Okay, I feel like I have been walking in circles...I have been spending time trying to assist my parents with tasks and plans. Do things for hubby while he works a crazy schedule and do things for my work. I find that there is not a lot of time left for me to sort things out about what I now we have three cats and the lions share of the responsibilities fall on me now too. 

So when I have time to myself I walk in circles...

Last week was filled with circles- I spent time, money and energy sending artwork and documents to a gallery that was finally having a grand opening and is supposed to be representing (for the last year) me only to not see any of that work shown in the opening reception or online media. I was mortified. That took some time to filter through my mind and just understand some things are not going to work out as you had been lead to believe.

Hubby is away for a week with a friend...he has turned off all access to work and is just "playing" for the next 5 days. I am thrilled for him. Frankly, I think this came at the perfect time, as he is mentally shot and this is just what he needs! I had planned to fill my days with just studio time, not needing to take breaks for meal prep or home tasks.

Then another circle appeared. 

I left the cats for the first time alone for an extended time. It ended up being 7 hours by the time I got home and although I had imagined everything upended, it appears that they slept most of the time.

After volunteering, I picked up some food for the parents and headed to take them for an appointment at the local body piercer. Yep, didn't expect that did ya?! My mother requested for her birthday,  that she get her ears redone, as her holes had closed up and she wants to wear earrings I booked the an appointment. My father wanting not to be left out, had his old piercing done again too. 

The piercer was wonderful and kind and took his time with both of them and I am thrilled to have NO concerns that there will be any complications. He is located in a local tattoo shop and that made my father uncomfortable. While waiting for my mother, my father thanked me repeatedly for not getting any tattoos. He thinks they are horrible...he is very driven by looks, and feels that they look trashy.

 I explained to him how I see them. As humans we decorate ourselves in all sorts of different ways, we collect things, color/cut our hair, pierce our ears, do what makes us happy and hold memories near. I compared tattoos to collecting artwork, if there is a moment you want to remember and hold with you always, why not have it be part of you...collecting images that remind you of that or words that helped your through a hard or joyful time.

I think he understood it differently. His thinking is quite cloudy now, his pain/nerve medicines have made him really have to work to see things clearly and that is often something he doesn't really have energy for. Walking has also become a roulette wheel of if he will loose his balance or not and he refuses to use a cane or sit in a chair when watering the lawn...because of HOW IT LOOKS.

He is currently obsessed with getting a government card that proves he served in the military. I offered to submit the needed documents online to expedite the process so that he didn't have to drive (be driven) up and down the coast to government offices. I gathered all the documents and created all the accounts and today I thought I just needed to put the final pieces into place. After spending hours setting up some other kind of online account to access stuff, the government site says it is not issuing the cards. No reason was given...I researched further and found out that they paused the program last year! it is nowhere on the site. It was a big disappointment and it took multiple days of time, reading documents to and from my father, teaching him which emails are advertisements and which are actual information. He gave his social security number to a person over the phone recently and I just about had an aneurism (my brother thankfully unraveled that mess)  

I felt like I had spun in circles 

I was able to make appointments for them to get a booster shot. It was a whole thing again, as they wanted to know if it was safe and why they needed it. I needed to physically drop off a hard copy of the appointment confirmation because they don't use their phones for apps and don't have a printer for that sort of thing.

There has been a lot of things that interrupt my plans and cause me to run off the rails of focus.

Has anyone else experienced this ruddy transition lately?

It overwhelms me so easily these days...I find it hard to do anything before or after all my thoughts are focused on the task for that day!  It is freaking me out.

I use to be able to do laundry lists of tasks in hours, weekends were full of tasks done and things I am lucky if I change clothes and do laundry!

So this weekend has started slowly and not as I had planned, but TOMORROW I will do artwork! I am up late in hopes to check off all things that are distracting me and I can wake to a clean slate, prepared paper and a rolled out yoga mat to start the day!

I hope you are all navigating this strange time in the world with grace and a little less apathy.

It is a struggle for sure.

**it took multiple hours to get this post done, as I kept getting called away for kitten crashing sounds, emails, texts and dishes***


Mali said...

I hope when DH gets home, that you get a few days off just for you too! Also, cats are great to leave at home alone for a while, aren't they? They really do just sleep most of the time. And walk on the kitchen bench, probably! (Sometimes the dirty pawprints give them away). lol

Sorry that you were let down by the gallery. Did you have a written agreement with them?

It's frustrating dealing with the declining reasoning of the elderly - especially when dealing with the dangers of internet (or phone) phishing. My FIL gave control of his PC over to someone over the phone, and was then mortified when he realised and had to ring the bank, and tell us. Yet he continued not to consult with us, and do other silly things. Sigh.

Yes, life is a struggle. Just coping needs to be #1 on your list of things to do. #1, AND the most important. Sending hugs!

Infertile Phoenix said...

Oh gosh yes! It is so hard to focus and get lots of things done anymore. I just gave up trying. I consciously schedule less now. One to three things a day are all I can handle. And on the days I go to work? That's it. I'm totally done for the day.

It sucks, but I remind myself that it's not my fault. This world is spinning on and pretending to operate like normal... And things aren't normal. People are burned out. Exhausted, depleted, and stressed.

I try to hold onto grace, for both myself and for others. It comes and goes...

Also, we are currently pet-less, but my boyfriend keeps talking more and more about getting a cat...

I hope you enjoy some good quality studio time soon. <3