Saturday, August 14, 2021

Breathe from your chest

 I did a grown up thing and got my colonoscopy done. It was alright and I made sure to tell EVERYONE about my stage 4 endo and where it was attached to my bowel. 

The doctor took biopsies and removed a couple polyps and said I can't take any NSAID's for two weeks. I've only had one optical migraine and I breathed my way through it.

I am thrilled to be on this side of the exam. 

It was taking up soooooooooo much space in my head and conscience. 

When checking in the nurse noticed I was quiet and still and she asked if it was my first time, after saying yes...she asked what I was most worried about...and I told her I had white coat, she asked from what...and I told her a decade of infertility. 

HER WHOLE BODY LANGUAGE changed and she was soothing and said she was so very sorry and placed my IV on the first try...and it didn't even bruise!!

When it was my turn, the doctor was nice, the nurse that gave me the drugs was kind and I asked if she would hold my hand, and she did until she had to administer the drugs...I was in a twilight sleep and was told to breathe from my chest, it made me think of yoga and I did as suggested. I have spots of memories of the procedure and then I was done. I went back to the bay, was helped to get dressed, walked out to The Barren and taken home, where the Barren had made me some vegan scrambled egg and rice and a glass of water.

Then I went to bed to sleep off the drugs and fart.

They found things in my colon. Fucking nothing surprises me anymore. It was clarified that nothing was cancer and no endo had penetrated the colon wall but, there is a possible immune disease. They won't really know for sure until I do some blood work and stool samples...whatever.

I seriously don't have enough energy to be concerned or worried about stuff. This last year and a half have stripped me of so much...clearly this is another thing.

I go in for another in 7 years or something like that. In the meantime, I have a new doctor trying to figure out my unique body.

On the flip side, we finally brought the cats home. 

We spent a week with them before telling anyone we brought them home. It made a good difference. They have all their shots, are neutered and spayed and are learning how to be housecats. 

Here are the three that now live with us:

Zahra- the kitty that started it all 💗
She is about a year old

Umber- this boy loves his mommy and naps
12weeks old

Kugel- the littlest of the litter and Parkour expert 
12 weeks old

The energy is totally different and as much as they are getting used to being housecats, we are re-learning what it is like to have young cats again.
It has been well over a decade since that was the case.
They change everyday, and hide less and are curious about more.
Soon we hope one will want to be a lap cat, nap buddy, and snuggle.

I can feel my heartbreak from the loss of our boys, becoming less, but their familiar natures are hard to unlearn. Having young cats and not old man cats, where you are used to having something wrong weekly, is an adjustment.
My breathing practice has helped stay calm when I hear a bang from another room, breathing has helped keep my concerns at bay...and breathing has helped me sit for an hour just to move a string back and forth so that I can pet them a little longer each time.

Breathing helps.

My breath is my strength


Mali said...

The power of breath is extraordinary, isn't it?

I'm glad you got your colonoscopy done. I had one recently too (my mother had bowel cancer). It's such a relief to have it over. I hope whatever it was they found is very mild.

And those kittens are adorable. Three! You'll have your hands full. But full of fluffy cuteness.

Infertile Phoenix said...

I'm glad your kittens are home! They are extra cute!! Umber is especially handsome. <3

Yep. Breathing through it. That's how I'm getting through everything too. Slow, deep breaths... I have much less energy with which to worry or be concerned. The last year and a half took so much from me too. I am only beginning to be able to put some of it into words. Thank you for writing!