Friday, December 30, 2011

Ghosts of days past

So I go thru this weird thing before traveling for any length of time...
I am really quite a worry-er by my nature and coupled with my incredible ability to catastrophize anything into the worst case scenario, it allows me to be in a constant state of
"get my affairs in order" mode.
Today it manifested in my cleaning out the cupboard under my sink.
How this helps me "get my affairs in order" is not for me to understand, I am simply following that innate urge to clean up messes so that in case I die on this trip, no one will find out just how much of a slob I really was.
Brilliant huh?!

I found all sorts of things I had been looking for...
I go thru moods of wanting to learn how to properly put on makeup, style my hair or moisturize my skin regularly. In the wake of these moods I am left with a lot of "product", evidenced today with a bag of giveaway to my niece who can play dress up and can put on fancy lotions or something...

Past all the sparkle and play I found...
What I wasn't expecting, little boxes shoved into the back corner of the cupboard.
Empty but still present.
I found five, FIVE, empty pregnancy test boxes.
All empty, all with just the instruction booklets in them, but stacked carefully in the far back corner of the space.
I sat there looking at them next to the empty tampon boxes, wondering why I kept empty boxes...why didn't I just toss them into the recycle bin with the other empty boxes?
I guess, I simply wasn't ready to.
I peed on a lot of sticks in these last 8ish years, far more then the 5 boxes that I unearthed today.

Then with just as much anxiety, and heart pounding as I had experienced buying them, I broke them down and put them into the recycle bin, brochures and all.

after that I found a reason to leave the house; I couldn't bear to hear The Barreness's cackling laughter and blinding smile


Illanare said...

No words, just sending good wishes for the coming year.

LaLa said...

Oh wow, I thought I was the only one that bought expensive makeup and lotions and then promptly forgot about them only to discover them months/years later in the undersink clean-out...wait, are you me?

I still have a lone pregnancy test and some progesterone under the sink (both expired!). I can't seem to throw them out yet. Maybe soon?

Mali said...


Nicole said...

Hugs lady. This jogged a memory which will show up in a blog post one day of how I found a bag of pads that I'd saved after my hysterectomy. It seemed silly but at the time I couldn't throw them out.

Glad to hear you got out of the house. Don't let the Barreness get to you. That's what she wants.

Hugs again.