Silence

I woke up early to bake a pie on Friday, as I needed to go into the "big city" to pick up some artwork. I was in a light mood and was keeping busy.

I turned on the news and texted The Barren and then the news hit...and I sat there in shock.

I felt the same way watching the news come in on September 11th....

glued and scared to leave for fear something worse would happen.

What could be worse...

as the news was pouring in, I sat there in a puddle of my own tears

and the first thing that came to mind was:

At least one of those children was an assisted pregnancy.

I felt so deeply for those parents.

I don't know if that is the case, I just went there first.
I guess that is how I connected to those children, and their parents.

 

I have stayed away from the news all weekend, instead spending time with The Barren smiling and loving each other.

Both of us fearful of seeing anymore...our hearts can not bear the loss.

 

This morning as I was waiting for my hot caffeinated drink, I picked up the Wall Street Journal and it had published the faces of those lost.

It took all my power to not collapse into a puddle at the sight of those faces.

As calmly as I had picked up the paper, I placed it back into the rack...heartbroken and at all loss.

I have returned to my mantras, and my projections of love.
I feel compelled to push energy into the air, like I want to push the pendulum in the opposite direction, using all my will and strength...if I can just smile more, hug more, touch more it will mean something. In someway.