Thursday, October 24, 2019


Body Maintenance
I finished all my yearly doctors appointments last week!
then finished the week with my period
Just in time for national period day.
(here in the US)

I am unconsciously themed it seems.

I get white-coat and so I try and make all my appointments at once to sort of
  "pull the band aid off in one fell swoop" 
It kind of works...I am a basket case for the times I have appointments and usually fall into a nap afterwards because it stresses me out so much. 
Eyes and teeth were in September.
Last week was the physical/pap, mammogram, pelvic ultrasound, breast ultrasound, 
flu shot and blood-work.
I found the doctors scale is 7 pounds heavier than the scale at home and so she told me to loose 5 pounds. She tells me every-time to loose five pounds.
"Keep up my healthy lifestyle choices and check in again."

Hormones tested for menopause and they came back normal as well, no signs of the change yet.
All in all good news and all reports point to a healthy body.

My loss anniversary is next week and I have found myself in a mood...
staring a lot, melancholy and simply kind of lost in thought and feelings.
I lack motivation, and drive.
I spend the days that should be productive days in the studio staring and napping.
I try to fill my days with activities; planning grand ideas of what I could do in the course of the day, but instead end up eating ramen and watching movies.
When I am in yoga class I think of all the things I should be doing in the studio and then when I am in the studio I think I should be in yoga class.
In reality I stare at the papers from past entries and print out other opportunities that I end up not submitting to.
Some BIG stuff happened recently,
I got a cover of a magazine
I got into an international art guild
I am having my artwork installed in a new hotel

All really good things...but I still seem blue and unfulfilled.
I am trying to figure that out.


Mali said...

Change of seasons, reminders of loss, and stress of appointments. That's a lot at once. Also, we all lose our mojo at different times. Not surprising you've had a bit of a down time.

Still ...

"I got a cover of a magazine
I got into an international art guild
I am having my artwork installed in a new hotel"

Wow, that's awesome. Congratulations!

Infertile Phoenix said...

Everything that Mali said! I've been in a bit of a funk too. I alternate between analyzing it and accepting it, knowing it will pass. But holy cow--Congratulations on the cover of the magazine and the international art guild and the hotel installation!!!! Super super awesome!!!