I am feeling a little better...maybe distracted would be a better adjective.
Hubby is watching me like a hawk and we keep saying our mantras to each other.
I am focusing on all the wonderful things we can do together, that are completely ours.
What it means for us to be a family of two and how that is going to be fine.
We have each other to work with when things get murky and when we are knee deep in the
shitty feelings, and muddy emotions.
We are still able to laugh and hug each other and communicate without words.
I know this ride is really on an ocean and that there are tall waves of joy and sorrow
but I also know that I can simply float and see where each place takes me...or swim in a direction of my choosing.
I seem to have these moments of intense clarity after a beating from The Barreness
she is resting and plotting her next attack I am sure...but I am working really hard on making myself less available to her and making her wait even longer.
Wait there Barreness, I'll see if I can find her.....
feel free to have a seat I think it might be a while.
5 comments:
It is so hard focusing on all the good when the one thing you so desperately want is out of reach! I am glad to see that your not letting this get you down!
Here from ICLW #95
Here from ICLW...glad you are having times when you feel better/distracted. We are reaching the end of our TTC journey and I'm not sure adoption is for us...being a family of two might make more sense for us and so I have been thinking a lot about what that would look like. It's great that you're focusing on the wonderful things...I try to do that too when I think of what our life would be like...
PS Love the name of your blog...so clever!
I love that imagery/metaphor of life being a ride on the ocean -- with it being up to us whether to ride the waves or swim in our own direction. SO APT.
I'm sorry the Barreness (great wording!) has been to visit you recently. I do understand how hard it can be at times to focus on the positive. Keep your husband close and the two of you will survive together.
(ICLW)
hugs dear lady.
oh these moments. when you spend so much time focusing on the positive, but the sadness still lingers.
i think making yourself less available to ms barreness is the right way to go. I find that helps me. That when those sad moments come, I accept it, but I don't let those feelings get in too deep. I think you are hading down the right route. perhaps Her attacks will go on indefinitely, but the further apart, the better.
I love hearing about your relationship with your husband. It sounds so lovely, so happy, so safe and comfortable. It makes me smile every time you write about him :) I love happy couples who are truly good together, and you sound like one of them!
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