Wednesday, October 10, 2012

What the...

cookies crumble

I am a tough a cookie, but this might break me.

I got a call from the doctor specialist yesterday, which was surprising.
Then the sentence "Is this a good time to talk?"
Ohhhh fuck....

So she wants to do surgery.
I told her that was my VERY VERY last option.
I told her that I weigh my comfort and quality of life based on my days pain-free and most of the month is that. I have maybe three days a month where I am uncomfortable but that is it.

She mentioned my back pain and my Barnacle. That damn thing has camped out and slightly grown since my last measurement. Then she said something that freaked me out and pretty much after that, I heard only parts of what she said:

Malignant transformation
apparently she said that if left for long times, endometriomas can get nasty and become malignant.
With your slightly elevated CA125 results* and how long it has been there....

She mentioned that I have a 50% chance of loosing my ovary to it.
She would remove any and all other adhesions that she could see.
She also offered to place an IUD while "I am out" to start the follow-up hormone suppression of additional growths. As I would really be only guaranteed three pain free months post surgery.
Or I start the pill afterwards.

* I had gotten a call last week telling me that my results were within normal levels

I am freaking out, I am mad and I am concerned.
I am lost

I know surgeons want to fix things, I am sceptical that she is trying to fix it, more then prevent catastrophe. I am leery...slow to believe that I have a second edition to this horrible novel.

What I wonder is a million things; but did I do this to myself by staying off the pill too long?
I thought I was being responsible by monitoring the "cyst" but apparently not.

I am swirling and terrified.
I have already made the choice to not had an IUD, aside from being afraid of them, I have a septum in my uterus and I really don't want any complications from the placement.
I also know that I am terrified of loosing my ovary and then my sex drive.

The Barren and I meet with her in a week and a half.
I am composing a list of questions and alternatives.
until then I am trying to not throw-up or think of something deadly incubating in me.


CameronPoe2409 said...

I am so sorry and frustrated for you. Its like treatment for endo is hit and miss and sometimes we are expected to just cope with the symptoms and outcomes. Its really unfair. I had an operation over three years ago to remove two large cysts and just over two years ago, I was diagnosed with having cysts on my ovaries but not treatment was offered and I was told they will treat symptoms as they come! Your post has really worried me now and I am going to ask for a review and scan of my cysts. Please take care and thinking of you. xx

Nicole said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all these medical stresses. I totally know what this is like and I am so sorry for you dear lady. Especially the idea of having to have a big surgery. I am thinking of you daily and i hope all turns out well. HUGGLES!

Kitty said...

Ugh that freaking sucks. I'm sorry. When your doctor says surgery, is she talking laparoscopic or full on open you up type surgery? I had a lap for my endo a few years back and it... well it wasn't TOO awful. At least I got lots of good drugs. :) And it really did help quite a bit with the pain afterwards. I haven't had a period where I felt like demons were flying madly through my uterus ever since, so that's something. Anyway, my thoughts are with you and the Barren too. Sounds like you two have so much on your plate these days. I'm hoping you find some peace very soon!!