I have completely torn apart my studio space....
I mean I have every inch of floorspace covered right now...
like a visual temper tantrum.
I have barely hatched out a space for me to sit and type this...but I have. I really wanted to make a better space to work in, weed out things and supplies I was not using to free up space for ones I am using or wanting easier access to tools.
All I have now is a HUGE mess and all week I just keep closing the door and ignoring the door, while deadline are ticking and coming around the corner.
UGH so I am in here now sorting and shifting.
I really am prepared to create anything at anytime...I am a well stocked closet, but it has also shed light on an addiction.
I have an addiction to art supplies. I have a bad one....
|image via pinterest|
The Barreness has reared her head, she was laying in wait for a while, so I really shouldn't be surprised.
She shot me in the gut Friday...and left me blinded with pain and curled around a heating pad like some crazy 1970's filmstrip movie of how to relieve menstrual pains.
I got panicked again, the pain that I use to experience returned...the constant wave after wave of ever increasing pain in the face of a pain pill scared me...I fear returning to the ER, in fact I will do anything ANYTHING else to avoid that trip and terror.
Friday night was date night, we had gone out and half way to the restaurant I had The Barren return home so I could take my pain pill in time and not over shoot the timing and have a break in the dosing.
We sat at dinner, me blinded and mentally ticking away the minutes till I could hear what he was saying as the pain subsided...smiling
grimacing through the pain and discomfort...waiting for the distraction to help sail me past the cramping and pinching and pulling.
Waiting for the food, that took FOREVER to arrive (really it was over an hour) and then pretending that the pain lifted so The Barren could relax a little. As we drove home, I was getting concerned as the pain was still building...The Barren asked ever so softly..." is there something I can do? When do I need to be really concerned? Would you like a bath or should we go somewhere else..." We returned home, me chanting the mantra "I can take this other pain pill if I need it, we still have options"...then I remembered that horrible filmstrip from 5th grade about heat...and seeing as I could not even keep my eyes open any longer, I opted to have the heating pad..it took a little for the Barren to find an extension cord so it would reach me curled into a ball on the couch. I am not sure when it happened but the combination of the heat and pain... but I passed out...I awoke three hours later to The Barren asking how I was...I stumbled into the bedroom and caught sight of myself...I was dead pale...I mean PALE...I fell into bed and The Barren brought the heat pad to me and I curled myself around it and fell into a sleep filled with terror and fears.
The Barreness laughed at me all day yesterday...pushing me down, and hobbling me with constant trips to the bathroom, making sure I bled through at least two pair of pants...she kept me home all day and when night came, only allowed me an hour and a half before opening the faucet for more runs to the toilet. I felt belittled and silly...I am a woman for gods sake, you'd think I'd have this whole -don't bleed on your clothes -thing figured out my now...but it always seems to strike me by surprise.
Stupid! Stupid Stupid....
Today I am facing the studio, well trying to...at least get a good portion of it workable again...less chaos of paper and untwisted...removing things.
I got orders for items from a children's line I use to make, I spent time remembering why I am not making more for that endeavor and then I got an email from a new artist friend telling me she is pregnant and wants to see what items are still available....
the whole world feels upended this weekend...I am aiming for some firmly planted footing this coming week. After all I need to revisit the children items again...just as I was packing them up and moving them out of the studio.
People keep having babies....everyone keeps having babies.