Awakened

I am feeling tired...stressed and tired, but there is still a lot of work ahead of me over the next week or so.

I feel asleep on the couch again watching cartoon, I watch cartoons in order to free my mind before bed and not think of the news or my body or anything.

My night was filled with dreams of testing, medical tests...reliving some and creating new ones.

Running from an ultrasound machine and looking for a bathroom, thru long corridors of mazed rooms. All while finding people I haven't seen since high school and trying to be polite but still needing to pee and all the while knowing that I only had five minutes to get back to the ultrasound room to finish the exam.

While naming my work yesterday, I dove back into the meaning of the piece; the inspiration, the element that drove me to make it. I know that a lot of my dream is about that.

My therapist use to joke that I had the thinest veil between worlds. I am thankful for that...but sometimes it just doesn't give me a break from myself.

I was feeling quite overwhelmed with emotions yesterday, but had no outlets for them. For some reason I wanted to carry them in my hands like a fluffy baby bird, peeking every once in a while at them from between my fingers. Never really opening my hands and letting it see the big sky. I never cried yesterday...but I feel a long soak coming around the corner.

I have awakened all the emotions, fears, troubles and pains from this road.

I know how deep into the woods that road goes.

The Barreness is standing at the entrance, she has candy and stiff drinks to tempt me.

I think I might make a signpost for myself, as I know how seductive that path is...

I do not want to get lost again.