Thursday, June 16, 2011

Cyst, boom, meh

The Bath by Alfred George Stevens

I should warn you now, I have had a rocky week...I debated writing about it because in many ways I didn't want to think about it again...but being who I am I decided to over share instead.
Hell, if you can not laugh at yourself, who do you have left?
I am about to talk about vaginas, sex and pimples

Lets start with the latest ultrasound, two weeks ago. I have to have them every 4ish months to keep track of my growths. I decided to go off birth control two and a half years ago and since leaving the hormones, I have grown new fibroids and cysts...all of which need to be watched because they tend to want to be overly dramatic and "rockstar" out the room. So I get pelvic ultrasounds to watch them in an effort to stay off BCP, that is my sacrifice.
I travel to a nearby town to have it done in a hospital because after years of having them done, this ONE tech has treated me like a person who has lost.
The results came back the next day and it confirmed everything is still there,
but not growing as fast as it has in the past...
so I have four more months without pills.

Since realizing that we are never gonna get pregnant (without massive assistance) I have been celebrating the joys of being off the pill...mostly that I am far more sane, my hair has stopped falling out in handfuls, and I do not get nightsweats anymore!
Plus....I want to have sex again.
This is a big deal and I am sure I am not the only one who
has experienced that lack of sexdrive after years of IF and medical interventions
and then birth control pills.
Everyone knows that sex is good for you, emotionally, mentally and for your I was eager to have that return, because I WANT TO FEEL GOOD!

Friday rolled around and I was ready for our Friday night date (we have them still) But around 2pm I started to feel ill, dizzy and then the cramps began and my back felt like I had carried a load of bricks up a flight of stairs. The rest of the night was spent on the couch with a heat pad and a frown, while hubby made me tea and "cooked dinner"(Chinese takeout)
The rest of the weekend started slow, but I got up to speed soon, and our Friday night plans shifted to Saturday night and we had a great night being together.
We were laughing and happy and then Sunday it happened...the pin prick.
That rolled into a stab, that rolled into a personal investigation of the ladyparts.
I had a lump...a red, round, hard lump.
My poor panic room wasn't even ready for my dash and door slam. I freaked out!!
I mean who wants to find a lump on your lovely lady bits?!
I made a plan that if it hadn't changed in a day I would see the doc.
I thought, maybe we just had too much fun and it took a toll on me.
Well it did change, it got scary looking and hurt more and
I could not ignore it or wish it away so I got into the doc.

I greeted her with, "hey, so I figured I haven't shown you my vagina here I am"
She laughed at me and we took a look at the MAD, RED, HARD Bump...
she looked at it and said "oh that is a sebaceous cyst. Do you want me to pop it? "
I think that is when I tried to go to my happy place...but I realized it needed to change if I wanted to walk normal....she offered to drain it with something...she described something about something all I heard was LARGE BORE NEEDLE and my mind made everything quiet...

I said I would wait for it to resolve itself, thank you.
Needles/vagina's...I bowed out of that long ago.

As she was writing up the antibiotic prescription I looked down again
and she had blown her lid!!
I was fascinated and freaked and the doc walked over and said
"lets get it all out"...and popped it!
I thought I was going to fall off the table...I remember breathing and then feeling like my whole vagina was in a table-vice.
She took samples and said she was sorry it hurt.
I was told to soak in a bath, several times a day and try and to "get more out".
The more I massage it the better.
OK so sit in a bath and massage myself...this was getting ridiculous.
I have been doing that for the last 24hours, it is the most unsexy, unpleasant way to enjoy a bath.
I got some new bath salt to help it feel less clinical and more...well, less clinical.
10 days of antibiotics and baths, and squeezing (not for the weak)

The one gem I can take away from this is:
I encourage all of you to check your parts, and don't wait to see the doc if something doesn't look right. As embarrassing as it was, I felt empowered that I knew what was normal for me and what wasn't and that I love my vagina enough to protect it from future mishaps.
My name is The Barreness and I grow stuff


Nicole said...

i love your ability to share the most personal of events and still find humor. I am so sorry you had this lovely cyst on your lady parts, but i am glad it gotten taken care of...

I hope you are starting to feel better... thanks for enlightening me and making me laugh all at once.

take care - xoxo!

C said...

Yikes! That sounds super painful. Hope you have a quick, easy recovery.

Visiting from ICLW!

Sarah S said...


I hope your lady bits are feeling better soon!!!

Here from ICLW!!

Jamie said...

Hello from ICLWland! I love this post, but I'm sorry that there was so much pain! Good luck!

Jackie said...

Sounds like an eventful weekend! Sorry you had to deal with it, but at least you could keep your sense of humor through it all :) BTW I think it's adorable that you and your hubby still have date nights.
Happy ICLW!

Kristin said...

That doesn't sound like fun at all but I have to admire your ability to find humor in the situation.

ICLW #10

Anonymous said...

Hello from ICLW. I hope you are feeling all better soon.

My Infertile Confessions said...

Ouch!! That does NOT sound fun! But getting of BCP and feeling better does!

Dragon's Blossom said...

Wow that really was one hell of a weekend! Sorry about the cyst, but glad you took care of it! I know it wasn't funny to you, but I got a laugh out of it :)

Visiting for ICLW

The Barreness said...

thank you for the kind get well wishes...all my parts seem to be looking normal again!

Kate said...

I feel your pain, literally. I have a bartholin's cyst and I haven't asked the doc about it since they said to just watch it. The idea of the soaking and squeezing freaks me out.

The Barreness said...

I am all healed...a week of antibiotics and baths have left me clear of any infection plus I got super soft legs!
If your cyst is interfering with your is time to consider a new treatment.
Happy vagina, happy person!