Wednesday, May 25, 2011

All is quiet

I have been sort of quiet recently
It freaks out hubby because his first response is, something is wrong.
Thanks to the Barreness being part of our lives, we both jump to catastrophizing things first
and then back peddle from there.

I don't think anything is wrong, I am at a low hum.
I found myself sitting and watching the little girl across the street
play baseball in her princess dress...
layers of tulle and satin swishing as she ran back and forth
to get the ball she had just hit and return it to her mom who was throwing it to her.
Her father riding his long board skateboard around in circles and rooting her on.
I got lost in that for a while.
I saw myself and hubby, in those parents.
I thought of the afternoons that we would have spent, or the ideas we could have shared.
Then I got mad...mad at myself for falling for the Barreness's seductive ways.
She is a sly one, feeding me daydreams
spoon feeding me sweetness that she knows makes me sick.
So today I am trying to work; work on other things that don't hurt or kick deep down inside me:
Two cups of tea
watering the garden
going over images for new submissions
sending love notes to friends
petting the cats
kissing my hubby


nicole said...

Sigh. Aren't those the hardest moments?

This also happens to me when I see adorable little ones.

Take care of yourself lady. It sounds like you had a beautiful list of things planned for the day.

I have come to realize, through a lot of trial and error, that taking care of ourselves, letting ourselves feel our sadness that we heal faster. Finding some joy in each day.

Take care lady. I am sending you blue skies, cute cat moments, and virtual flowers..... :)

The Barreness said...

thank you Nicole...
We can plant flowers in each others paths to remind ourselves that we have a friend thru this all.
hugs your way too

stink-bomb said...

i used to do that about the kids across the street. you see that family is just the perfect "average normal" family. 2 kids [a boy AND a girl], nice house, loving parents - i used to sometimes catch a glimpse of them when i opened our blinds and i'd stand there and think "that should be us".

sending you hugs, while we still have great things in our life, sometimes, just sometimes it's not enough.


Mali said...

This is beautiful. But you'll find that you'll fall for those seductive daydreams less and less. It's a bit sad when it happens - but also it is quite liberating.