I feel as though I am on the edge of taking a large leap and floating thru the sky never to land.
I said aloud the other day, "I am tired of my life being on hold"...in a strange holding pattern for pregnancy.
I am over 40, have no plans to have assistance in getting pregnant or becoming a mother; and am just now beginning to really see that I have been holding back.
Restraining myself most unconsciously.
After so many years of holding on, holding back and waiting.
Not eating this or eating that...thinking 9-15months ahead of time, wondering, planning, waiting.
Wanting to go here or there, do this or that, but knowing that I needed to be near a doctor or ER.
Saving money here or there not knowing when we might need it for a child or co-payment.
Everytime I moved a piece of furniture, or brought something new into the house wondering how long before I would have to move it out to make room for another person.
I am exhausted and disappointed in all this waiting and restraining.
I feel as though I am on the precipice of personal freedom
I am ready to jump out of the basket I have been carrying around that holds items I have gathered.
I am ready to LIVE again and stop waiting
I want to be free of my baby-hopes and restraints