I got this email from a woman in the same community garden as me...I am really not sure how to respond:
"At the workday when Flora, Fauna and I were talking about extra weight on our bodies and then jokingly we began blaming our children for the weight. I just want you to know that it was silly talk and we or I do feel fortunate to have birthed a child. I come from a a family of 10 children and only the last two of the 10 had children, either by choice or circumstance. Some sibling were satisfied with their choice and some were a bit saddened because of their situation and not having children. But it takes a village to raise a child, and so when we interact with any child either visual or verbally we are giving to them. And so what I'm saying is that, you are a mother in many ways and what you do is amazing!"
* the names have been changed to the Cinderella fairies
I can appreciate that she is being sensitive to my personal situation...but I am not sure how to really react or if I should.
In some ways I am a touched that she wrote this to smooth whatever hurt feelings she feels might have been poked by overhearing this...in other ways I am a little insulted that she thinks that I could not interpret a casual conversation/bitch session as just that.
What do you think?
4 comments:
hmm.
this is awkward. I mean, it is nice when people are aware of your situation and are trying their best to be sensitive. But, the email seems like a bit over the top to me.
I see your mixed feelings...in one way, it is nice that she thought you might be hurt but yes, you are an adult and understand a casual conversation.
I think myself I'd find it a bit irritating, the way that it is written would drive me nuts as I find it weird when people try to include everyone woman as a mother (this year on Mother's Day I got a text from a friend saying "Happy Mother's Day, even pet moms are special today too!" and then Ross' mom told him to tell me happy Mother's Day b/c I was a pet mom. Ugh.)
I think I'd find it necessary to respond and I'd probably try to say how I appreciate that she is sensitive to my feelings on the subject of children, but I understood they were just having a casual chat and I didn't find it upsetting. Or something of that manner. I guess I would want to show appreciation for the sensitivity while also emphasizing that there is no need to walk on eggshells around me.
Good luck!
Thanks Nicole!! Great advice and ideas
Nicole's answer is good and even. For me, I would probably appreciate that email, as that level of awareness seems to be lacking in people around me, then again I can get uber-sensitive about the littlest of things some days.
I guess we're all different though
I like Nicole's answer. I suspect she was sensitive about the conversation because of her siblings - perhaps they've confronted her about such comments in the past. It is so hard isn't it? We want to be treated like everyone else, but we also want people to be sensitive to us. I don't know what I'd prefer.
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