Friday, June 10, 2011

Long Long time, like yesterday

I have been filled with sorrow as of late.
I am missing my grandmothers terribly.
One passed away in September 2006, the other in December 2008.
It feels like an eternity ago I was sitting next to either,
feeling their hands rounding my back in a hug.

My last words with my Nana, had her laboring for breath.
As I was leaving from a visit, she reached out to me... I turned and asked her what is it ?
What are you wanting to tell me...
and thru labored breath she simply said "I love you" 
I looked at her and told her I loved her too.
Three days later she was laying on her bed, surrounded by family
taking her last breathes thru her fluid filled lungs.

I don't remember my last conversation with my grandmother...
I spoke with her often over the phone, as I was unable to visit her in the care facility she lived.
My grandfather was in one too, and since his death in 1991 I promised I would never go back into one.
Even for my grandmother.
I was a selfish granddaughter that way
So I called a lot and spoke to her on the phone, mailed her pictures of the garden and visited with her at my parents home, away from the memories of a care facility
We carved pumpkins together in October and celebrated my parents anniversary together in November, and I called to wish her a happy Hannukah in the beginning of the month.
Then I got a call to come to the hospital a few days later; she was asleep after another fall and was not going to wake up.
We were surrounding her as well, when she took her last breath
She finally escaped the body that gave her so much pain.

Now years later I am left with the emptiness of not being able to call them.
Not hearing their voice
Smelling their perfume or soft skin

Sometimes I wake from sleep, I can hear their voices say my name

I have stopped having dreams of my grandmother yelling at me,
my Nana driving and complaining they got her hair color all wrong

Now I simply just feel left, like they are calling me from far away
They feel so so far away

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