Wednesday, October 31, 2007


I have been told to be patient.

I am told this a lot by the medical community.
After looking in my ears, eyes, nose, brain, vagina, feet, blood, urine....
I am a patient person, but pain will drive even to most patient person SLIGHTLY insane.

I am trying another migraine medicine, the other one; though it has taken away most of the pain has left me in a wake of side effects. I am snappy and moody and mostly really angry...things I am not on a normal day. I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs to PJ Harvey songs just to try and blow the top off the anxiousness I was experiencing.
It did little except make me slightly hoarse.

So another happy pill and hopefully relief from the ongoing pain.
Better but different pain.

How much more patient must I be? When is enough, enough?
I must follow the yellow brick road to ask The Barreness, she might have the answer...

Thursday, October 18, 2007


I saw the neurologist yesterday who told me that my eight plus weeks of headaches are most likely a combination of migraines and stress headaches interweaving!
I am having multiple headaches at the same time...
I wondered where all my drive went, apparently it went strait to my head!

He was calm and pretty much there to write a scrip and then leave, but my list of questions was long and I kept him in the room for as long as possible.

I mentioned that I was concerned about taking pain pills with my quarterly cramping...he asked questions about it.
I wonder now if they ask mostly out of curiosity or truly seeing if there would be a link.
I don't know still how my Barreness has anything to do with taking a migraine pill?

The pill use to be used in the 50's for depression....the house wives "happy pill" is what I can think of. I guess another use is for migraines, it is used widely in Europe for that.

So these little white pills are not only suppose to make my headaches go away but it should leave me happy in their wake!

Miracles of modern medicine.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Trick deck

When has someone experienced enough pain?
Is there such a thing?

I am waiting to see a neurologist this week, to hopefully shed some light on my daily headaches. I have had them now for over 8weeks straight.

In the meantime, I feel like I am meant to be a woman in pain; to some degree.
I am constantly battling he emotional pain of my own Barreness....I am dealing with the physical pain of my periods...I am dealing with the pounding pain of my head.
When is enough enough?

I clearly know that others are in pain too, but when do they get relief as well?
Why is OK for some to be dealt so much and others barely any?

Friday, October 12, 2007

Say Aha!

Well my brain is healthy, in the sense that it is not going to implode or anything.
I got to see images of my own noggin and experienced that surreal reality when you discover that you too have the organs and bones you read about in books.

I could see the delicate bones in my inner ear, my spinal cord, my lobes.
It was beautiful!!

Being slid into the "open" MRI was much less scary then the idea of the closed MRI and my sweetie rubbed and held my ankle the whole time.

My love for him is so deep it has no end!!

I spent the weekend suppressing the mounting fears of the results, trying not to cry or run with my hair aflame.
The "bads" would have been very bad......

I am still struggling with daily headaches; I am seeing a Neurologist next week to hopefully gain some insight from all this.
Ideally, also some longer term relief from the pain, dizziness and blurry vision.

I am so familiar with daily pain, that I wonder who the patron saint of pain is?
Maybe I should make some sort of offering to them on Dia de Los Muertos.

The Barreness, is waving her wand and making me feel ever so small.
I didn't even drink from the bottle!!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

It is all in my head

I have had a headache since August 21st or so.
For those of you keeping track that is 6 weeks of daily headaches.

Some are mild and I can ignore them most of the day, like a low buzz in the back of my head; but others are like a waterfall of pain and pulsing and pounding sensations.

Most of the time I am dealing with a general ache, that punctuates itself from time to time with blinding pain.

Current state of headache: dull ache, throbbing temples, discomfort moving my eyes and to light and pony tail head...I am a little nauseous and am working hard at keeping things in focus.
I see the doctor today, she was hoping it was a sinus headache and that the antihistamines and steroid spray would have me blowing gobs of green stuff out of my nose.

I made the mistake of reading about brain aneurysm, the signs and symptoms. Aside from now being scared ,I am afraid of what medical test I will be subjected to next.

All of this makes me feel so much more broken.