Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Empty like a hunger

I saw one of my VERY pregnant friends unexpectedly yesterday. Actually she saw me and called my name. I was dazed...almost as though I had been caught like a deer in the headlights.
I was afraid to look at her 8 month pregnant belly, but I did.
She invited me to touch her belly to feel her son moving around...I was dreading the invitation; but I spoke honestly and said " uh, no thank you" and held my hands up like I was being robbed.

I was robbed; I feel it every time I see my friends and their kids, or my brother with his.
I feel the gun or knife every time it is quiet, or after I make love to my husband. It was all taken from me, in a swift fast motion leaving me reeling its wake.

I had a lovely, polite conversation in the parking lot and we parted ways. I filled my trunk with groceries and she vanished into a see of cars.

I got into my car, The Barreness into the passenger seat, and we drove home in silence.
I ate dinner but I never seemed to get full.