tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post6315632609942162409..comments2024-03-23T15:28:07.546-07:00Comments on The Barreness: Skirting the EdgeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post-30928187156056594902012-09-20T20:26:52.624-07:002012-09-20T20:26:52.624-07:00Wow - what an encounter... I must say that you are...Wow - what an encounter... I must say that you are not alone in these types of encounters. I'm seeing a rather steady trend here, where we withdraw to self-protect (to survive any way we can) and those closest do a similar thing - they withdraw to protect themselves from it (infertility). It's a difficult thing. I'm not sure how to get around it (that sort of aggression is a little too full on an selfish in my opinion... I'd question her ability to experience empathy). I too have found myself washed up almost friendless. I have a very dear friend who is also childless, and another friend who we have an 'understanding' with depending on our current circumstance (she has one child, and doesn't fully understand childlessness, but boy she makes an effort to, and that counts!!). But as for the rest of them, and family... they've turned away to protect themselves. I figure we are the stronger ones in the end - friendless or not. <br /><br />It's hard making friends so late in the game! But at least we have the option to - we're not forced to befriend folks in a mother's group :)Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18288266561592998739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post-54578611954111638932012-07-08T10:34:25.418-07:002012-07-08T10:34:25.418-07:00Sigh. Situations like this are SO hard. I lost a g...Sigh. Situations like this are SO hard. I lost a good friend a couple years ago after increasing tensions.... I didn't want to lose her, but the rejection and judgment from her became too much. And I do hope you don't have to lose this friend.<br /><br />It is my belief, you have to accept people as they are. You have to let them be. You have to let them have their emotions, and go through the things they need. And support them as best you can. You can't make people be positive or different than you want them be. <br /><br />People are always changing and I hope you and her can perhaps change and get back on the same page. I don't know how you were able to deal w/the hostility. You are a very good friend and I think you are so smart to see this through and keep trying. I hope she can come around. I hope she can be more understanding and more patient with you. <br /><br />This is such a rambling comment, but I just wanted to say I support you and you are an awesome friend and awesome person. And HUGE hugs.Nicolehttp://nicoleciomek.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post-90202572225640422482012-06-29T05:36:47.658-07:002012-06-29T05:36:47.658-07:00I like your blog. A year ago I left the ivf convey...I like your blog. A year ago I left the ivf conveyor belt (without a baby), and have realised slowly that infertility and depression are subjects that do not hold friends and family's interest for very long. Sympathy turns to exasperation, non-interest and sometimes anger fairly quickly. I have washed up friendless and alone, with even sibling relationships changed forever for the worse. I know I distanced myself and was weird, but I thought people would understand because the facts spoke for themselves (severe infertility, miscarriage etc). <br />I am currently figuring out what to do and how to make new friends. I've never felt so lonely and alienated. The whole infertility thing changed the landcape of my friendships forever. Sorry to be miserable. It's just nice to hear that someone experiences similar confusions.<br />Thanks for the post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post-25308975170135671302012-06-28T09:04:56.889-07:002012-06-28T09:04:56.889-07:00@Mali
thank you so much for reading this long and ...@Mali<br />thank you so much for reading this long and rambling post...sometimes I need to get it all out to sort through it better. We have both grown, and I agree we are both hurting..for years I have said sorry for things that I didn't want to be sorry for, like crying or expressing disappointment or fear. She is a tough one, and we deal with issues very differently. I know I will continue to try and be peaceful, and not rock her boat...but sadly I fear we might never be able to be what we need or want in a friend. Until then, I will keep being the best I can be for myself and her.The Barrenesshttp://www.the-barreness.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30185283.post-80454296579067170052012-06-27T18:07:22.036-07:002012-06-27T18:07:22.036-07:00Can I swear? I just wrote a long response, and se...Can I swear? I just wrote a long response, and seem to have lost it.<br /><br />Anyway, I want to send you a big virtual hug. And then say I wonder if she is like this because she is first, unable to put herself in your situation, and second, feeling rejected since you - out of understandable self-protection - distanced yourself from her. Because it sounds a bit to me as if you're both hurting. It's just that she reacts more aggressively to the pain.<br /><br />And I wonder if you could talk to her? Or a mutual friend to try to tease out why she's so hostile? OR - just be like me with a friend I've drifted apart from, and see her occasionally, be polite or friendly, and just nurse the hurt in your heart. (Because I know it hurts - even when you've accepted the friendship has changed/is over.)Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.com