Tuesday, July 30, 2019

One on One time

It seems to have become an annual event.
Every July we get some serious one-on-one time with our closest nephew.
Closest, meaning proximity.

*(there are two other nephews, but their parents and years of no responses to requests or cards...has created a distance in what we had hoped to be a relationship with them.)

ANYWAYS.....
this year was the longest amount of time with our nephew, he was at our place for three nights.
He is 11 and totally into Manga comics and video games and cartoons and KITTENS
Our old man cat wanted nothing to do with his attempts at snuggles or pats...
he chose to spend his time curled under my desk sleeping on the power strip and sulking
 at HIS unwanted company. 

So I suggested that we go to the Humane Society and check out kittens.
I am not sure I totally thought the idea through when it came to my own mental health about seeing touching or interacting with kittens....
I am still quite broken from the loss of our kitty back in February and now the aging cat at home...
I am dealing with a lot of mortality in felines.

We went for half an hour on the first visit because we were meeting Uncle for lunch and and needed to pick up food before seeing him....I thought it would be and easy in and out...
It was easy to get in and out...but I was very standoff-ish with all kitties.
The following day he mentioned he wanted to go back and visit them again....
I figured it would be fine and it took a chunk of time of the day and it made him happy.
We returned and there were twice as many kittens and cats...
9week old kittens, to mature cats...
he wanted to snuggle them all...it made him so happy and smile so big...
I watched him, and offered help when claws were too sharp or wiggles too strong.

This sweet little kitty is the one that made me cry.
As I was handed this kitten, so he could play with another eager soul...
I held it close to my chest and it melted into purrs and I turned away from my nephew...
tears welling in my eyes, feeling the soft fur and rumbles of the purr against my chest.
Before the tears could fall, I told him that my heart hurt and that we should move on to the older cats...or dogs.
He was a little confused but was willing to move onto the next room.

The second visit was all about making sure to see and say hello to every kitten and cat, and then hello to every dog. That sweet little boy even sat with a dog that had a "I'm shy" sign on her kennel for almost a half an hour to make her feel better.
When the time came to leave, he said goodbye to every dog, cat and kitten.
and told me that he felt badly that he could not take them home.

I assured him that what he was feeling was empathy and compassion and that those are really wonderful emotions and that means that you are a loving person and capable of loving other beings.

The next morning I saw that one the kittens he was crazy about was adopted, and shared the news with him, his smile was huge...and he said- that is so great!
He is still to young to volunteer without and adult....but I mentioned it to him and his parents.

I spent three days, all day with my nephew...in the evenings The Barren made sure I took some quiet time for myself before bed.
I was exhausted, the nephew would have active dreams at night and call out waking The Barren and myself. He was fighting with his sisters in his dreams...having things taken by them. He remembers none of the dreams and awoke each morning happy and ready to be entertained.

I loved the time, and tried really hard to give him loads of space and time to just be.
Pool time, puzzle time, reading time, park time, making cookies, we even watched surfers and he declared he wanted to do that too.
I listened to exaggerated stories and claims, I sat and watched cartoons and simply soaked him in.
I introduced him to Bob Marley music and we sang along to Queen songs.

I do hope that he remembers being able to just be himself when he is with us.
I really love being his Auntie

Monday, July 22, 2019

The Letter

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"Yoga Goddess, 

I have debated reaching out...but felt it was important for you to know that you have a secret ally in your corner.
I am sorry life is sucking so very badly...
This is not the way you imagined....anything.
I can not imagine what you are going through, but I can empathize as we spent nearly a decade trying to build a family.

When we were trying there was not a lot of resources and still a lot of stigma.
I found this site very helpful for resources and knowledge:
she has organized everything (left side) under topics and it might help in some way.
https://www.stirrup-queens.com

Please forgive me if I have overstepped or made you feel like you haven't thought of this yourself.
I am happy to answer any questions you might have or 
help in anyway you might find you are in need of.

I continue to be a dedicated yogi, and friendly face in the crowd.
Smiles and hopes,
The Barreness "


I was haunted with words of advice for the owner of the studio I practice at when:
 she made the start of her IVF journey public knowledge. 
Then came the public spreadsheet of drug costs 
and 
then came the crowd funding page set up by a friend. 
I was going to tell her that pain does not equate your desire to be a mother.
That simply putting the desire out was enough 
but then I realized that she is most likely getting an earful...so I sent the email above.

She responded soon there after, kindly:

"Thank you so much Barreness this means a lot to me!
I’m proud of you for reaching out, and so happy you did. 
I will definitely check out the site you sent over. 
Love you tons!

Xoxo
Yoga Goddess"

At the end of the day I saw it as a call to action.
It was more important to reach out to a fellow woman in need than
sit and watch how this all unfolded...

Thursday, July 04, 2019

Like it was no big deal

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So we had an earthquake this morning.
As a native Californian I have ridden a few out.
My mom tells the story that when I was a baby 
there was a really big quake and it rocked me back to sleep in my crib.
I am no stranger to quakes.
In 1990's there were a couple big bad ones that I was privy too...
one had me rush out of a bathroom in a restaurant because the walls were bowing.
The second was so big, it cracked my grandmothers apartment building and my mother and I drove in to be with her and return to her blackened home for some valuables as the aftershocks kept rattling it, it was like being in a bouncy house but the house was a 3 story apartment building.
(I do not recommend this and my mother does not always make the best decisions)
I think there were 10+ aftershocks that day....

This mornings earth movement was mild compared to those.
It has rattled a lot of people near the epicenter and 
there are no serious injuries reported which is great!

I was on the phone with a cousin who lives in Mexico and said
" oh we are having a quake"
the line was silent 
and then I said "it is still rolling but we are fine."
that is how caviler I can be when I identify the type of quake.
it rolled for 20 seconds.
the plants swayed, the coo coo clock chains swayed the cat paced up and down the hallway...
then it was settled.
No need to take cover, no bowed walls or cracked foundation or turning off the gas.
I have not felt any aftershocks.
We are about 200 miles away from the epicenter so that comes as no surprise.

As soon as it stopped I got a call from a friend who lives around the corner
frantic and panicked and out of sorts and firing rapid questions my way
she is from Florida, so is not prepared for earth movement:
" OMG what was that !
is there a Tsunami warning
where do we go if there is one
I don't like those
I am shaking
What should I do
what is the protocol
hubby is just sitting here like it is no big deal "

I tried REALLY hard to not laugh and assured her that what she just felt was a 
MELLOW experience for an earthquake and that she was safe
Normally you brace yourself in a doorway
DO NOT run outside
wait for the shaking to stop than go about your day.
If there was a Tsunami warning out cell phones would siren
and that street across from your house is taller that your house...
go up there if there is a warning.
stay away from windows and anything that could fall on you
BTW your house is a single story...
the safest kind
you are in the safest house for an earthquake...
you are safe and laugh it off.
(I think I said safe a million times to try and soothe her)

She thanked me and hung up
I checked on her two hours later and she said she was still shaking.
She takes her time processing things I guess...

I laughed a bit while making breakfast
it was alright...I could not do anything to prevent it
we were together and safe
it was over
just a normal California day as far as I was concerned.
 Happy Thursday!
I am going to make some 4th of July tacos now





a little laugh