Monday, December 26, 2016

I threw up Hanukkah

Homemade jelly filled donuts

I've been off of sorts since the election.
I am not going to get political today...
but I have been overwhelmed with emotions and feelings and anger at times.
Yoga has been a saving grace for me...and the classes have been packed since the election,
I am not alone in trying to find some solace of mental health.
I am eating clean and so when Hanukkah came around this year I offered to make dinner here for my parents and The Barren offered to make dessert.
We had a lovely visit and watched my parents act like bickering siblings...over food, and facts and whatever else came along.
I made latkes and we had veggies and some meat (well The Barren and my father did)
then dessert!
I am not a donuts person, and so when they were made I offered to be the jelly filler 
and powder sugar cover-er. 
Important roles and one I enjoyed a lot!
I sat down and ate two! they were yummy and my lips were coated in white!
It was great and the sugar surged through me and I was moving faster and faster and we chatted some more and then my parents called it a night and headed home.
I sat on the couch while the dishwasher ran the first load of dishes and fell asleep.
When I woke up with a start a half and hour later...I ran to the bathroom and threw up Hanukkah.
Too much...
oil, sugar and too much

It was a vast reminder that I have eaten really clean for a long time 
and fried food is not something I can really deal with....anymore.
I gotta figure out a new latke recipe that I can bake or adjust 

Now that Christmas has past, 
ideally those crazy tear jerking commercials will fade away for another year.
I don't have to think about how many baby photos will come in the mail and how many family pics will fill our mantle.
I greeted each one this year with a smile and took in all the joy conveyed in the images...
but knew something was different at our place.
And as I brainstorm about what kind of new years card we will send out...I often find myself thinking
" what will show them that we are really happy, even without kids"
I know it is messed up, and a bit like a keeping up with the Jones' kind of thing.
But it is true....

I don't want to throw up any more celebration
I just want to keep it real