Thursday, January 28, 2016

I have to remind myself

physical memories
So the new year has started and now we are almost done with this first month!
I am finding that I am experiencing a little struggle, mostly kicking myself into the right lane...

I made a list one morning while eating, trying to make it like an "automatic writing" experiment.
I only post it here so that I am reminded that these are the first things that came to mind and they are good ideas to strive for always...not just for this year.
 this is what I came up with:

be more present
be more honest & true
use kinder words in self talk
go to yoga as often as I can afford
stop comparing myself to others in stressful situations
read more books
embrace your laughter
paint your nails
learn to braid-for real
keep letting go
stop apologizing for nothing
make new friends/situations
do less home chores-you get lost in them
draw more
write more
be less afraid

I have found that "keep letting go" is the one theme I have revisited the most so far;
and I am finding that it is mostly in regards to physical things.

I cleared out my closet, and loving placed many items that I had emotional connections with into a box to give away.
I cleaned out under my bathroom sink and threw out the last pregnancy test I had squirreled away. 
I said out loud, I will never use you and get the answer I want.
Those seemed easy.
Today, while trying to clear out some studio clutter I came across these old pocket calendars.
I took copious notes in each, recording my daily appointments, birthdays, anniversaries and happenings, tracking my periods and noting my miscarriages.
I think I kept them as I didn't want to trow out these markers, like I was saving them for someone.
Today I chose to toss them into the recycling bin.
I carry these memories in my heart. I don't need to fear that I will loose them by throwing out the reminders of the dates. I can still carry those with me, regardless of where the original note is.

As for the Mudman of New Guinea, is a picture I cut from a travel magazine, 
they were on a bucket list many moons ago.
That too has faded into the past.
both are bittersweet, but not forgotten.
I have to remind myself of that.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Keep on going

I saw this today and it reminded me that I need to post something soon....
so here is a place marker